


To Hell With Boredom

by StalkerDex



Category: South Park
Genre: Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Romance, Boys In Love, Comfort/Angst, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Road Trips, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:54:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29822460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StalkerDex/pseuds/StalkerDex
Summary: Kenny and Craig both want to get the hell out of South Park.  Kenny has the cash and Craig has the car, so they agree to hit the road and see where they end up.  Eventual Craig/Kenny romance.**this story has language and sexual content**
Relationships: Kenny McCormick & Craig Tucker, Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker
Comments: 12
Kudos: 23





	1. Leave It Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I’m challenging myself here with this one. I typically write stories with Cartman in them because I think he’s a crazy interesting character, but I wanted to step outside of that and work with some characters who actually embrace their emotions, which Kenny and Craig both plausibly do. I had a little idea for this story, and I’m not sure where it’s going entirely, but I think it’s got some potential. I hope it’s an enjoyable read – as always, thank you so much for taking the time to read my stories. I am always in awe that anyone does. Feedback is much appreciated when given.

He laid quietly in his bed, staring up at the cracks in the ceiling as he listened to the shrill sound of his parents fighting. This was a regular thing in the McCormick household, and it wasn’t unheard of for their fights to escalate into all out brawls. There was a brief time in his earlier years of high school where he’d tried to intervene and stop it, but he’d eventually realized it was pointless and resigned to just letting it happen. He could ignore it for the most part, though he’d be lying if he didn’t admit it got him down. He let out a frustrated sigh, glancing around his room and trying to decide how to distract himself. There were magazines strewn about, a few books, dirty clothes and some notebooks full of poetry and ideas decorating the cat-piss stained floor. He thought briefly about writing, but knew better. He could never write with all of that screaming; he was pretty sure he heard his mom throwing shit at his dad now, too. It was only a matter of time before they starting wailing on each other. He rolled his eyes as he listened, before abruptly standing and grabbing his coat from the pile of clothes on the floor. That was it. He was going out.

He threw his coat on and shoved his feet into his dingy, beat up boots. He kept his head down as he strode through the house and out the front door, fairly certain he hadn’t even been noticed. Christ, he couldn’t wait to get out of this house.

As he walked through his front yard and up the road, the cool autumn air started to numb his face. He kind of liked it, being numb. It was better than sitting in that house feeling like he wanted to scream. At least out here he could find some peace in the solitude. He took in a deep breath, enjoying the prickling cold as it flooded his lungs while he took note of the clear sky above him. The stars were bright and he could see the milky way. He felt a yearning deep in his belly as he took in the sights, the sensations, the quiet. He’d been saving up money for quite some time; he’d taken a job as soon as he was old enough to get one at a fast food restaurant, and he was poised to get himself out of dodge. He wasn’t entirely sure where he’d go, but he had it in his mind that he might head up north and see the national parks to start. 

He wanted to connect with nature and think about his life. He’d been nursing the notion for quite a few months now, and it was probably entirely too romanticized in his brain, but he couldn’t help it. The only problem was that he didn’t have a car and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to blow his money on one just yet. He felt like his savings would be better spent getting an apartment somewhere in a city that had good public transportation. He could save up for a car later, away from his shit-hole house in this shit-hole town. How in the hell was he going to get to the parks? Maybe by bus? He supposed he could look into it. He pondered his options, falling pretty deep into his thoughts as he walked. He eventually meandered off into the woods, immediately picking up on the smell of weed as he did. He lifted his gaze and looked around, trying to determine exactly who was there. He felt a little nervous; hopefully it was just someone from school and not some deranged, random adult. There seemed to be an abundance of those in their little mountain town. He felt immediate relief as his eyes landed on a familiar car parked off in a clearing. 

He walked over to it, knocking on the cracked driver’s side window. Craig looked startled as his widened eyes snapped toward the sound, a broad smile crossing his face as he realized it was only Kenny. 

“Hey!” he said as he opened the door and got out, leaning against his car casually as he bumped fists with Kenny.

“Hey,” Kenny said as he nodded and nestled his hands into the pockets of his jacket. It suddenly felt colder now that he was standing still.

“What’s up? What’re you doing out here?” Craig asked before taking a big puff from his joint, handing it out to offer Kenny some.

Kenny eagerly took it, knowing it would take the edge off of his anxiety. He took in a hit and breathed it out before handing the joint back and responding.

“Nothing. My parents are at it. I just had to get out of the house. Why’re you out here all by yourself? Where’s Tweek?”

Craig rolled his eyes, dropping the joint to the ground and stomping it out.

“Fucking Tweek. He fucking dumped me. That’s why I’m out here alone,” he replied, angrily folding his arms across his chest.

“What? Oh, shit. I’m sorry, man…” Kenny offered, not really sure what else to say.

Craig shrugged, though it was obvious he was really bothered about it. As Kenny looked closer at him, he was pretty sure it looked like he’d been crying.

“It’s fine. We’ve done this before. He gets all emotional about some bullshit and then tells me he’s done with me. He’ll come back. He always comes back.”

Kenny nodded, an awkward silence falling between them as he searched for something to say. He had nothing. Just as he was about to clear his throat and make some excuse about needing to get back home, Craig started to talk again.

“I just want to get the fuck out of here sometimes, you know? Ever since we’ve graduated I’ve been so goddamn bored. I fucking hate my job, and my parents are all up my ass about going to college but I have no idea what the fuck I want to do. Tweek’s always drama. I don’t know. Sometimes I think about getting into my car and just driving until I run out of gas or something. Just set up a whole new life away from all of these people and their bullshit expectations. Why is everyone so concerned with what I do with my life anyway? Why can’t they just mind their own goddamn business?”

That caught Kenny’s attention. His eyes immediately went to Craig’s car; it was newish. It looked like it could make it up into the Tetons and beyond. Maybe…

“You mean that?” Kenny asked, his voice betraying his eagerness.

Craig raised one of his eyebrows at him quizzically, “Yeah. Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it?”

Kenny smirked. He sounded like he genuinely meant that, in that flat kind of way he spoke, anyway.

“Listen,” Kenny started, shifting his weight between his feet as he spoke kind of rushed, “I have some money saved up. I’ve been thinking about driving up to Yellowstone and the Tetons to do a little soul searching. I feel the same as you; everything here is so fucked. I just want out, but I don’t really know what I want to do or where I want to go either. The only thing is I don’t have a car, so you can see my dilemma. What if we both go? I’ll give you the gas money. All you have to do is come to the parks and let me figure out where I want to land. I’ll look for a job and get an apartment and you can go home after. It’s a win-win.”

Craig stood there, silently mulling it over.

“I dunno, Kenny. I don’t have a whole lot of money, I can’t contribute much to something like that…”

“That’s fine. I have plenty. I’ll pay for gas and food and camping fees. Whatever. I just need a car, man. Some company wouldn’t be too bad either. You’re alright. At least you aren’t full of shit and pretending to be something you aren’t like everyone else around here.”

Craig tapped his fingers against his arm thoughtfully before shaking his head and letting out a surprised laugh, “I mean…I guess; if you really don’t mind paying for most of it. I can give you a little. Why not, right? I hate my job anyway…I can quit. Yeah…you know what? Fuck it! Let’s do it! Let’s get the fuck out of here!”

Kenny fisted up his hand real quick and shook it happily, “great! Alright! Let’s do this!”

“Let me go home and get packed and tell my parents. I think my dad has some old camping shit out in our garage. I’ll get what I can…I’ll pick you up in the morning and we can hit the road.”

“Okay. Come and get me around eight. I want to get out of here early. I’ll figure out our route and I’ll get some supplies packed for us, too.”

Craig looked at him, excitement painted all over his face, “come on, I’ll give you a ride home.”

Kenny smiled and walked around to the passenger seat, hopping in and letting his head get full of dreams. He was finally doing it. He was going to leave South Park behind for good.


	2. Young and Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny and Craig embark on their journey together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another bite-sized chapter; this chapter is mostly to give you a feel for the character development and a bit more of a glimpse into their motivations. I have the next few chapters planned out, some will be long and some short. My little virtual pin board of ideas for this story is filling up quickly. I hope you enjoy :) the story will be picking up shortly. Thanks very much for the kudos and reviews :) and of course, thanks for reading as always.

Kenny had all of his things gathered by the door; a duffel bag full of clothes and toiletries, a few water jugs, pillows, blankets, a small bag with his journals and other assorted items for entertaining himself, as well as a pillowcase full of snacks. Craig had texted him not too long ago to let him know he was on the way and he kept checking out the front window eagerly. He was so excited he could hardly contain himself; he’d been imagining this day for so long. He smiled wide as he finally spotted Craig’s car pulling up along the curb in front of his house. He quickly opened the front door, glancing back inside at his messy, quiet home. Everyone was asleep; he’d left a note on the fridge. He doubted anyone would care.

Craig got out of his car and walked up, entering the house and grabbing some of Kenny’s things from the pile.

“Morning,” he greeted him, offering him a slight tired smile.

“Good morning! Thanks for doing this, wow…this is great. I’m so excited,” Kenny rambled as he grabbed as much of his stuff as he could. 

Craig just grinned, silently walking behind him and clicking the button on his keys to open the trunk. Kenny took note of a tent, sleeping bag, pillows, lighter fluid, and some cans of bear spray already placed neatly inside. There was a decent amount of room set aside for his things, so he had no trouble loading up. They each made a trip and got it all squeezed in. Kenny chose to toss his duffel bag as well as the snacks into the back seat, which Craig had also done. 

“Do you need to say goodbye to anyone?” Craig asked, placing his hands into the back pockets of his jeans as he nodded toward the house.

“No, they’re all sleeping. I left a note,” he said nonchalantly, not really wanting to explain it any further.

Craig shrugged, figuring it wasn’t really any of his business, as they both got into the car. Craig figured he would take the first shift.

“I’ve gotta stop and get some coffee, man. This is going to be a hell of a long day. Did you figure out where exactly we’re going?” he asked as they started to head out of town.

“Yeah, I found this dam over in Idaho about an hour outside of Jackson Hole. There’s some camping along the reservoir there, or even some back in the woods it looks like. I’m pretty sure it’s free. It’s going to be about a ten hour drive, though. You want to try and get there today, or should we break it up into two?”

“Hmmm…I mean, I’m fine with it. We can keep our stops to a minimum and get there sometime around seven or so.”

“Alright, cool. I’m up for it. I definitely want to get there as soon as possible. What should we do when we get there? I am thinking we’ll be pretty tired from driving, but I really want to at least see the parts of the park that are closer to where we’re staying. I heard there’s this really great area for wildlife viewing called Moose-Wilson Road. That’s probably worth checking out.”

Craig let out an amused laugh. Kenny was so plainly excited; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that way about anything. He found it charming.

“Dude…how long have you been plotting this whole thing? You’re, like, majorly worked up about it.”

Kenny felt himself blush a little as he realized he was letting all of his excitement out like word vomit. He took note to try and settle down. He was really happy, though; there was no denying it.

“I don’t know…a while now.”

Craig nodded, continuing to grin, “Alright, well…I think that all sounds fine. We can go see this moose place you’re talking about. Whatever you want to do. This is your thing. I’m just along for the ride.”

Kenny smiled appreciatively, “Thanks, Craig. Seriously. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Craig let out another laugh, “Yeah, for sure, Kenny.”

A comfortable silence fell between them as Craig pulled up to the last gas station on the way out of town. 

“Do you need the gas topped off?” Kenny asked.

Craig shook his head, “Nah, let me handle the gas. I think I have enough to last us a while. Do you mind running in and getting some coffee though? Load mine up with cream and sugar please. I basically don’t want to taste it.”

“Alright, thanks. I’ll be right back,” he said as he ran into the gas station to fetch the coffee, a little amused at how differently they took theirs. 

Kenny liked a nice, hot, black cup of coffee with no added fluff. It sounded like Craig wanted a liquid candy bar. He prepared the coffees as best as he could, paid for them, and headed back out to the car happily. Craig was standing by the pump, leaning against his car with his arms folded across his chest. He looked like he was lost in his own head and Kenny couldn’t help but wonder what someone like Craig Tucker might be thinking about. Maybe Tweek? He wondered what had happened there, but he didn’t want to spoil the jovial mood between them so he took note to save that conversation for later. 

“Here…hopefully this is good,” Kenny said as he walked up beside him and handed him the cup.

“Ah, thanks,” he took a sizeable gulp of it and nodded, giving him a thumbs up, “perfect.”

Kenny smiled and got back into the car as the gas pump popped and Craig put it snugly back into place before collecting his receipt. That was it, they were officially ready to leave South Park behind. Craig got back into the car and started it, exiting their small mountain town and embarking on the adventure of a lifetime. They were both fairly quiet for quite some time and Kenny found himself looking out the window, caught up in a flurry of romanticized thoughts of what the future might hold. Would he see bears? Moose? Foxes? Eagles? Would the sights and sounds and smells hold up to the crazy high expectations he’d set in his head? Would he find any kind of resolution to the quandaries of his life out in nature the way he thought he would?

There was just so much unknown; he found it utterly intoxicating. After a while he leaned his seat back a bit to relax, his thoughts calming down and settling on his family for a bit. He wondered if they would be upset that he’d gone without giving them notice. Would they care that he was gone? Would they want him to come back? He _did_ have a cell phone; it wasn’t like they couldn’t call him if they wanted. He felt a small pit forming in his stomach at the thought. Yeah, they had his number, but he would be shocked to his core if anyone bothered to call it. Odds were they would just carry on like they always had; fighting, drinking and fucking around. That was the McCormick way. He couldn’t help but let out a sigh as he thought about it, which caught Craig’s attention.

Craig glanced at him, wondering what Kenny looked so downhearted about. He figured he had to have some fairly sizeable problems in his life to want to do something like this. At least Craig planned to return home after they went on this trip; Kenny had sounded like he wanted to run away and never come back. He thought about asking him about it, but figured that conversation would best be had later. After all, the two of them weren’t especially close. Sure, they used to hang out here and there when they were kids, but over the years Craig had gotten so caught up with Tweek that there wasn’t much room for anything else. He kept in close contact with Clyde and Token, of course, but outside of that he kept his world pretty small.

Fucking Tweek. That goddamn beautiful, blonde mess of anxious sex. He knew that this tiff of theirs would pass and he would come running back to him just as he always did. The thing was, he just didn’t know if he wanted him to this time. Maybe this time had been one time too many. Maybe, he thought, it was time to try something new; he could be single for a while. He could focus on his family and his friends. He could put some thought into just what the hell he wanted to do with his life. Perhaps, he thought, he could even meet someone new. The possibilities were endless, and as he alternated between heartbreak, anger, and relief he found the unknown a bit more attractive than falling right back into the rut with him. It was a part of the reason he’d agreed to go on this trip in the first place. The future was open, the adventure felt endlessly full of potential. He wanted a change. He wanted something new.


	3. Built to Roam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny and Craig set off on their first day in the park and connect with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty happy with the way this chapter turned out - it's fluffy and sweet. Thanks for reading!

They were both watching carefully for a dirt road coming up around a bend. It was already dark, though they’d managed to arrive just a little after seven.

“Is that it?” Craig asked from the passenger seat, pointing up ahead.

“It looks like it,” Kenny responded as he slowed the car down.

They noticed a house as they approached it, a small dirt road leading through some fields that looked like they had cows in them.

“I’m pretty sure this is it. It said online we have to go through some private property, but once we cut through that there’s a bunch of camp sites back there.”

Craig nodded, quietly watching as they made their way down the dirt road. They went over some cattle guards and eventually found themselves surrounded by tall pines. They were in between two steep mountains and there appeared to be a shallow creek running along to the right of them. The campsites did start to appear as they made it through the farmer’s property, some of which were already occupied. The spaces were very large and they were also spread very far apart from each other for the most part. As they drove on searching for a nice spot, it occurred to them both that they would basically be isolated out here.

“Do you have any cell phone service?” Kenny asked as he slowly drove onward.

Craig took his phone from his pocket and lit up the screen, “no. Nothing.”

Kenny made a quiet sound of acknowledgment as they made their way deeper into the woods. He was exhausted from the long day of driving and he spotted a site that looked alright ahead of them, so he decided to pull into it and check it out. It was surrounded by trees, so they would have a pretty decent amount of privacy there. He drove the car back into a tucked in area of the clearing and put it in park.

“What do you think of this one?”

“Let’s get out and see,” Craig insisted as he unbuckled himself and got out of the car, stretching his hands high up above his head.

It felt so good to get out of the car and, as they both surveyed the campsite, they were immediately struck by the freshness of the air. The aromas of the trees were potent, the soothing sound of light gusts of wind rustled around them, and the steady trickle of the stream beside their campsite marched onward. It was awesome.

“I think this is fine, don’t you?” Craig asked as he walked up next to Kenny, placing his hands into the pockets of his jacket; it was already pretty chilly.

“I think it’s great. Let’s get the tent up, I’m exhausted.”

“Me, too,” Craig admitted as they both made their way to the trunk to get out their supplies.

Neither of them had ever set up a tent before, and it was slightly comical as they worked their way through it in the dark, keeping the headlights of the car on so they could somewhat see. It was a little more time consuming than they’d hoped, but they did manage to get it set up. Craig then located a blow up mattress and laid it out in the tent and used a deafening battery charged device to inflate it. That was thankfully a much quicker process, after which Kenny laid out the oversized sleeping bag Craig’s dad had supplied to them. They collected their bags of clothing and entertainment goods and stuffed them into the open space of the tent and took turns getting changed into their pajamas. They both brushed their teeth down by the creek and made their way into the tent for the night.

It was admittedly a little awkward as they scooted their bodies into the two person sleeping bag, but neither of them chose to say anything about it. 

“Night, Kenny,” Craig yawned as he rolled over, facing his back to his friend.

“Night, Craig. See you tomorrow,” Kenny responded, choosing to stay on his back. 

He let his head fill up with more imaginings of what tomorrow might bring, but after ten minutes or so he drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

…

Kenny was the first to stir as he felt the urgent need to pee demanding he wake. He grumbled to himself a little as he took note of the cold on his face. He really didn’t want to emerge from his sleeping bag at first, but the realization of where he was quickly settled over him. He’d almost forgotten! Today was the first day of their grand adventure! He got out of bed as carefully as he could, trying not to wake Craig, though his friend did start to move around. 

“Sorry,” Kenny whispered as he slid into his jacket and boots, “I’ve gotta piss. We should probably get up anyway! If we’re going to see any animals we’re going to want to get there kind of early.”

Craig rubbed at his eyes and let out a yawn before nodding at Kenny to show he’d heard him. For the briefest moment, Kenny couldn’t help but note how cute he looked in the morning with his hair all messy atop his head. He’d always thought Craig was attractive, but naturally Craig had always been with Tweek. Besides, Kenny had only ever dated women, despite the fact that he knew he was definitely interested in men. The opportunity had just never presented itself.

As he left the tent and made his way over to a secluded area to relieve himself he let his mind chew on that a bit longer, further considering the fact that Craig was there with him. What did that even mean, anyway? What was going on in his life that he’d agreed to just drop everything and run off so easily? What in the hell had happened between him and Tweek? 

He finished up and made his way back over to the tent to collect some clean clothes. He was happy to see Craig sitting up, though he was still yawning and rubbing at his eyes.

“I think I’m going to go soap up down in that creek before we head out.”

Craig nodded, “okay. Can we stop and get some coffee on the way? I can’t do mornings without coffee.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I think there’s a little town on the way into the mountains. I bet there’s somewhere there.”

“Killer,” Craig yawned.

Kenny grabbed some soap, his clothes, and a towel and made his way down to the creek to wash himself. As he did that Craig brushed his teeth and picked out his own clothes, only popping his head out of the tent to spit out his toothpaste. He made sure not to look down by the creek, even though he was admittedly a little tempted to glance. Who wouldn’t be? It was natural human curiosity and it was hard not to at least take a peek when you knew someone was naked nearby. He didn’t, though, and he found himself sitting atop the air mattress, groggy and tired as he waited for Kenny to finish. Thankfully, he was fast, and Craig went down to the creek for his turn as Kenny sat in the tent to wait. After a few minutes he was finished and had returned to the tent with his pajamas, tossing them in the corner.

“Ready?” he asked, his damp raven hair falling slightly into his eyes.

“Yeah, let’s go!” Kenny said eagerly as he hopped up.

“I’ll drive so you can look around,” Craig insisted as he made his way to the car and plopped carelessly into the driver’s seat.

“Thanks,” Kenny said as he made himself comfortable.

“Hey, do you mind reaching back there and grabbing my camera out of my bag? Just in case we see something cool.”

“Oh, sure,” Kenny said as he twisted around and rummaged through Craig’s stuff, locating his camera fairly quickly.

“Thanks,” he said as Kenny handed it to him. He set it down in his lap as he started to drive down the bumpy dirt road.

The sun was starting to rise and the sky was a delightful array of pinks, reds and oranges as they emerged from the dirt path and back out onto the winding mountain road surrounding the reservoir. They both couldn’t help but marvel at the sights as they drove onward, quickly arriving at the small town Kenny had mentioned. They stopped at a gas station on the corner where they were supposed to turn to get into the Tetons. Craig topped off their gas while Kenny went in and got their coffees, grabbing a couple of shitty pastries as well. Pretty soon he’d returned and they were back on the road, driving alongside the Snake River. The sights on the drive alone were pretty amazing and they were both feeling at peace as they drank them in.

“So, do you know where we’re going?” Craig asked.

They had talked off and on during their long drive yesterday, but not really about anything of substance. They talked about school and their friends and bullshitted about their jobs, but that was about it. It was all very surface. Craig wondered if they might get past that sometime soon. If they didn’t, it was going to be a pretty boring experience. Craig wasn’t one for small talk; he preferred to get down to it with people. What were their dreams? What were their pains? What did they _really_ think about the bullshit things going on in the world around them? That was the kind of thing Craig wanted to know about a person; not what kind of weather they preferred. He just wasn’t sure how to move into that zone with Kenny. He was curious about him, though. He really did want to get to know him better.

“I think we should drive up Moose-Wilson and check out the main road there. Maybe we could do a hike or something and hit Jackson Hole on the way back to our site? We can’t do it every day, but I thought it would be fun to get a hot meal and maybe a souvenir or something.”

“Okay, cool. That sounds good to me.”

Silence settled between the two of them as Kenny set his phone to navigate to Moose-Wilson. They ate their pre-packaged pastries and drank their coffees, both of their minds wandering. It was a little frustrating, really. They both wanted to talk and connect, but neither one of them felt the confidence to move beyond what they were doing next. At some point during the drive, they’d both just resigned that it would happen eventually. It had to be a natural thing, right?

Thankfully, compared to the day before, the drive was a cake walk. It wasn’t long before they were pulling up to wait in line to pay their entrance fees. Once it was their turn, the ranger kindly explained that they could purchase one pass to share, they just both had to sign the back of it. They decided that was alright and she loaned them a sharpie to sign the back; Kenny paid the fees as he said he would. Craig wished he could offer more, but he hadn’t saved up much of his money. He figured he could continue to feed gas into the car for the remainder of their trip; he just had to keep enough to get himself back home to find a new job. 

Kenny was practically bouncing in his seat as they entered the park and started their drive up Moose-Wilson. Craig had to admit, it was beautiful. There were lots of tall trees and the road was very small and narrow. They drove slowly in the hopes of seeing some animals, but had no such luck for quite some time.

“You know, there’s a little nature preserve attached to this road. Maybe we can pull off there and hike before we go to see the mountains?” Kenny suggested.

“That sounds good. I’m tired of sitting on my ass in this car,” Craig admitted.

“Okay. Cool. I’ll let you know where it is.”

Craig grinned at him, “You did your homework on this stuff. I don’t know shit about these national parks. I feel like you’re a full on tour guide!”

Kenny let out a laugh, “Like I said, I’ve been thinking about this for a pretty long time.”

Craig nodded, “I didn’t know you were this into nature stuff.”

Kenny shrugged, “I don’t know. I like getting outside. It clears my head, you know?”

Craig eyed him for a moment, an unsettled feeling in his chest. He knew his home life wasn’t good. It wasn’t uncommon to see his parents out in town with bruises on their faces and arms. He’d noted bruises on Kenny at times when they were in high school. It was no secret the family was in poverty, and he remembered his brother and sister always being so filthy when they were kids. Kenny always managed to keep himself clean even when they were young, but Craig had understood even then that that had required effort and consideration above and beyond what should’ve been expected from a young child. At best, he was neglected; at worst, he was abused. Thinking about it made him wish he could drive back home and beat the shit out of his father. There was nothing that irked Craig more than someone abusing vulnerable people; it was always the reason he’d gotten into fights in the past. It was the reason he spent so much time with kids on the fringes; the ones who got kicked around. He would fight for people like that, no doubt about it.

“Here, this is the turn,” Kenny said, interrupting Craig’s thoughts.

Craig obliged and turned down an offshoot of the road they’d been on, following it to a sizeable dirt parking lot. There were already quite a few cars there. They both got out and ensured that they had their bear spray. Craig made sure to grab his camera, and then they headed up to the map at the start of the trail system.

“The Laurence S. Rockefeller Preserve,” Craig read out loud as they stood before the map.

“There’s a lot of options here trail wise. You want to just kind of wander?”

Craig nodded, “Yeah. We can do a couple of miles.”

Kenny flashed him a wide smile, which Craig couldn’t help but return before they started to head up the trail. They were both a little surprised to see a small crowd of people staring off into the large clearing at the start of the trail system. Kenny spoke as they approached them.

“What are you guys looking at?”

“There’s a black bear foraging in the field there. She went behind that tree…we are hoping she comes back out,” a young woman explained, holding up her camera.

“Oh, shit…” Craig said quietly, lifting himself on his tippy-toes to peek out into the clearing. 

Kenny stood beside him, peering eagerly at the tree the woman had motioned to. He felt his stomach lighten as he spotted her bulky, black frame emerging from behind it. Everyone let out gasps and eagerly spoke quietly to one another as she roamed the field before them. Craig reached out and grasped onto Kenny’s arm without thinking. Holy shit; a real, live bear! Kenny was grinning from ear to ear as he took in the sight. Craig released his arm and lifted up his camera to snap a few pictures before letting it hang around his neck, quietly observing her. She remained in the field for five minutes or so before she abruptly turned and headed back into the woods. Everyone chattered excitedly about the experience before heading off either onto or off of the trail as they were before the sighting.

“Wow, that was fucking amazing,” Craig admitted, kind of on a high from the unexpected sighting.

“Yeah,” Kenny agreed, that giant grin still painted across his handsome face.

“You know, my dad was telling me a lot of people come up here and don’t really see shit,” Craig went on as they walked side by side along the trail, “I think we’re pretty lucky, already.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that, too. I think a lot of people just don’t know where to look. I hope we see some more. I did a lot of research and there are some areas of the park that are really great for sightings. Up north there are grizzlies. That would be really cool to see,” Kenny explained.

“Oh, man. Yeah. That would be really great,”

A silence fell between them as they walked onward, listening intently to the rhythmic crunch of their feet in the dirt below. As the sun continued to rise higher in the sky, they felt themselves start to warm up to the point that their jackets had to be removed and tied around their waists.

“So…Kenny…what’s going on with you? Why did you want to do all of this anyway?” Craig asked, his voice plainly uncertain.

Oh. That.

Kenny shrugged and sighed, not really sure where to start. He figured he’d probably just end up word vomiting again; it was what he did when he got nervous. At least when he was a kid all of that shit got muffled in his parka. Now that he was older, it was out there for everyone to hear. He figured Craig was safe though; Craig was rough around the edges, but his heart was always in the right place. He only fucked with bullies. He was very kindhearted to his friends.

“I just had to get away from them. My folks are a goddamn mess. They’re always fighting and beating the shit out of each other. We never have any money. Half of the time we don’t even have electricity in the house unless I pay the bill. They fight and they drink and they fuck. That’s about it. It’s exhausting. My brother’s all caught up in that shit, too. He doesn’t work. He’s not in school. He just drinks and fights and sits on his ass. Karen’s doing okay I guess. I wish I could’ve taken her with me. I feel bad leaving her behind.”

Craig nodded. He wasn’t surprised to hear any of it.

“That sounds really rough, Kenny. I’m sorry.”

Kenny shrugged again, “It’s alright. I’m not there now. I’m here, and here feels pretty good to me right now.”

Craig smiled at him, “Yeah, I get what you mean.”

Kenny looked toward his friend; he was curious about his situation, too. It seemed the door to real conversation had been opened, so he figured he might as well prod.

“What about you? Why did you agree to do this? What are you running from?”

Craig let out an amused laugh and shook his head, “Uh…that’s a good question. I don’t know exactly. I haven’t thought about doing something like this for months like you have!”

Kenny laughed. That was true. Craig had an inquisitive look on his face as he mulled it over.

“I mean…Tweek has something to do with it, for sure. He and I have been together so long. I don’t know. I was so pissed off at him the other night when you ran into me. I was sitting in that car fucking cursing his name. It’s weird, you know? I’ve loved him forever. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with in every sense of the word. I know damn well he’s going to ask me to forgive him and take him back. The thing is…I just don’t know if I want to this time.”

Kenny looked him over as they walked onward, “what even happened between you guys, anyway?”

Craig rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, “Oh, just some bullshit. He’s really sensitive, you know? All of that anxiety. He was upset with me because I got all worked up about a shitty thing someone did while we were out together. I didn’t get into a fight or anything, I just let the guy know he was being an asshole, and Tweek just got so mad at me for it. He would prefer if I just kept my mouth shut and kept my head down the way he does, but I’m not like that. That’s not me. I can’t be that way. Anyway, he told me he was done and that was the last I heard from him. He usually takes a few days to come back after these things.”

Kenny considered Craig’s situation, a little grateful to have his mind off of his own troubles for a while.

“Kind of sounds like he wants you to be someone you’re not.”

Craig nodded, “Yeah. He does. It’s been that way for a long time; and it sucks, you know? I mean…we’re very different people but…I love him the way he is. I always have. I can take the anxiety and everything. I just wish he’d give me some space to be who I am, too.”

Kenny looked at Craig sympathetically. That must’ve been hard.

“So, you think you’re going to take him back when he gets in touch with you?”

A pained look crossed Craig’s face.

“Honestly…I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. The thought of being without him fucks me up. The thought of being with him gets me down, too. It scares me; I don’t know anything else. I don’t know what it feels like to be in a relationship with a different kind of person. What if this is as good as it gets and I walk away from it? Once I say it’s done, it’ll be done. I know that. I can’t take it back and that idea scares the fucking hell out of me.”

“I can understand that, I guess. I wish I had some advice to offer you. I’ve never really dated anyone seriously, so I don’t know what you’re going through. For what it’s worth, though, I think you’re fine the way you are. I don’t think you should change for anyone.”

Craig abruptly stopped walking and Kenny followed suit as he stared at him, a somewhat heartbroken look on his face, “Do you mean that?”

“Well…yeah. Of course I do,” Kenny replied, a little dumbfounded.

Craig shifted his weight between his feet before starting to walk again. Kenny followed him, entirely caught off guard by his reaction.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever said anything like that to me before, Kenny.”

A sudden understanding washed over him as he looked Craig over. That made sense. He was always in trouble when they were kids. Tweek was apparently trying to tone down his wild nature. He knew his parents were on him. It had never occurred to him that Craig might actually not have someone in his corner telling him he was good the way he was. It broke his heart for him.

“I do mean it. I think you’re a good person. I know you get into fights and everything, but I also understand why you do it. You don’t like it when you see someone taking advantage of weaker people. I completely get that. More than you probably know.”

Craig glanced at him knowingly, “I’d happily beat the shit out of your fucked up parents for you if given the chance.”

Kenny let out a laugh, “I’d happily join you.”

Craig smiled at him before turning his eyes forward. They walked the rest of the way mostly in silence, eventually turning around and making their way back to the car. The walk outdoors and the good conversation had served them well, and they were ready to move onward in the park. As they finished up Moose-Wilson Road they were lucky enough to spot a big, bull moose hanging out in a swampy area beside the road, but the park rangers wouldn’t let them stop for a picture. They were a little frustrated by it, but were quickly over it when they spotted a fox on the last leg of the road. Craig rolled down his window and managed to snap a far off picture of the bright orange mammal, with which he was entirely satisfied. They made their way up the main highway that run toward the Jackson Hole Airport, both of them in awe as they laid eyes on the Grand Tetons. 

The mountains were unlike the mountains they were accustomed to back home. They were very pointy in a distinct way that amazed them both. They made their way to a pull off and got out to take in the view. Craig snapped some pictures of the mountain before turning his attention to Kenny.

“Do you want me to take a picture of you here? You’re kind of out on your dream trip; you might want something to look back on someday.”

Kenny smiled at him, “Okay, sure!”

He hopped on top of a sizeable boulder and smiled wide, pointing at the mountain. Craig found it all very charming as he snapped a few pictures. As Kenny hopped down from the rock he pulled his cell phone out.

“Take a selfie with me. I want to remember us both being here. I’m not doing this thing alone,” he insisted.

“Oh, yeah…okay,” Craig said, a little flustered. 

They both walked over to the edge of the parking area and pushed their faces close together, smiling as Kenny angled the camera so he could get both of their faces and the mountains in view. After he snapped a couple of photos he checked to make sure they came out okay. They stood there a little awkwardly together, turning to face the mountain and falling silent. As Kenny stared at the tallest peak of the Tetons he couldn’t help but feel like he wanted to cry. He didn’t, but he wanted to. Craig glanced at him, noticing he was kind of emotional. He smiled at him and touched his arm gently to get his attention.

“Is it everything you hoped it would be?”

Kenny looked back at the mountain and smiled, wiping at his eyes as the tears threatened to fall.

“It is. It really is.”


	4. Best I Could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig opens up more with Kenny; Kenny ponders his next moves. Lots of fluff and angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeee - I'm really happy with this chapter, too. I hope this story is enjoyable :) Thanks for the comments - I always really appreciate them.

After they’d spent some more time exploring the area closest to the famous mountain range, they decided to head on into Jackson to see what it had to offer. They wandered the souvenir shops and art galleries. Craig really lit up when they checked out the photography galleries, especially the one they’d gone into that was really focused on wildlife. Kenny had found it so endearing that he’d snapped a few photos on his phone of Craig when he was absorbed in looking at them; he had taken no notice of Kenny’s admiration. It was odd; the two of them had never given one another a whole lot of thought, but as the day progressed they were definitely catching one another’s attention.

Once they’d finished perusing the galleries and shops they settled on a restaurant for some lunch, both of them deciding on bison burgers. Kenny was entirely impressed as Craig wolfed his down, clearing his plate to the point you’d think it never had any food on it to start; for such a thin, lanky person he could really put it away. They didn’t talk a whole lot during lunch, aside from recapping some of the highlights of their day, but it was a good time. Afterwards, they agreed to mosey over to a small ice cream shop on the corner to try some huckleberry ice cream; huckleberries were kind of a big deal in this part of the country, and they wanted to see what all of the hype was about. They weren’t disappointed.

The two of them sat down at a small table just outside of the ice cream shop, the soft warmth of a clear, sunny day settling over them as they dug into their treats. 

“Damn, the food is fucking awesome around here,” Craig mused in between spoonfuls.

Kenny grinned at him. He wouldn’t tease him for eating as voraciously as he had, but it was pretty obvious Craig enjoyed the food.

“Yeah, it’s good.”

“I really liked those photography galleries. What a cool way to make a living. I wish I could do something like that.”

Kenny nodded, “maybe you could someday? You never know.”

Craig shook his head, “I dunno. That would mean leaving South Park, right? I don’t know if I can do that.”

Kenny looked at him curiously, “Why not? There’s so much more outside of South Park. What keeps you there?”

Craig shrugged, “I dunno. I mean, Tweek. My family. My friends. All of the people I love live there.”

Kenny nodded. Oh, yeah. People. Love. That made sense.

Craig looked at him sympathetically, “I know things aren’t great with your parents, but what about Karen? What about Kyle, Stan and Eric? You have people, too.”

Kenny shook his head, “I have to find a way to get Karen out of there, too. I could take care of her if I had a steady job. I don’t even think my parents would give one fuck if I took her. As for my friends…I mean, it’s whatever. They’re my friends, but we honestly aren’t as close as everyone thinks. Kyle and Stan are close. Me and Eric just kind of orbit around them. I want more than that. I want to plant some roots somewhere and forge some real relationships with my own people.”

Craig nodded. He supposed that made sense. He quieted down and focused on eating before his phone suddenly went off in his pocket. He pulled it out, his stomach unsettling as he realized it was Tweek. His face flushed as he answered it, his widened eyes looking at Kenny as he spoke quietly. Kenny could tell it was Tweek by the worried expression on his face.

“Hello?”

_“Craig…where are you? I went by your house and your parents said that you took off with Kenny…?”_

“Uh…yeah. I did. I’m up in the Tetons with him.”

_“What? Why? What about your job? When are you coming home?”_

Craig lowered his eyes and put his hand to his head, a nervous look on his face.

“I quit. I don’t know when I’ll be back…a few weeks? A month maybe?”

_“What!? Why are you doing this?”_

“What’s it matter to you, Tweek? You dumped me, remember?”

_“What’s going on with you, Craig? First you put our lives in danger and then you just take off on some random trip with another guy? You’ve been acting crazy lately…”_

Craig’s face abruptly changed from nervous to pissed off, which Kenny quickly took note of.

“I’m not crazy. I’m acting the same way I always have, you just don’t like it.”

_“You’re getting worse, Craig! I see what’s going on with you. I see the cuts on your ankles and your arms. I see the way you put yourself in harm’s way on purpose. I don’t know why you have to do this to yourself. Please, just come back home. I don’t know what you think you’re going to find out there…”_

“I don’t know what I’ll find, Tweek. But I sure as hell know what I’d be going back to and I don’t think I want it anymore.”

A pained silence fell between them. Craig’s expression immediately retreated back into sadness.

_“Are you saying you don’t want me anymore? Is that why you ran off with Kenny? Are you two a thing now?”_

Craig put his hand to his head again, “I don’t know, Tweek. I need some time away from you; I guess that’s what I’m saying. I need to get my head clear. I can’t fucking do that around you; you fuck me up too much. Don’t worry about Kenny. It was just a random thing; he wanted to come here and I said I’d drive him because why the fuck not? That’s it. I’m not having an affair or whatever it is you think I’m doing.”

_“Craig…please, just come home. I think you need some help…”_

“I don’t need help. I just need some space,” he said firmly, “I’m hanging up now. I don’t have service where we’re camping. I’ll be in touch later, okay?”

He heard Tweek sniffling; he was crying, for sure. Craig felt sadness gripping his chest; he knew deep down he needed this time to figure out what he wanted, but that didn’t make it any easier. He didn’t want to hurt Tweek. He didn’t want to hurt himself.

_“Okay. I love you, Craig. Please, don’t get yourself into any trouble, okay? Take care of yourself.”_

“Yeah, I’ll stay out of trouble,” he said awkwardly before pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging it up.

He set it down on the table and stared at it, not wanting to meet Kenny’s gaze. Kenny could tell he didn’t want to talk about it and chose to stay quiet. Neither of them had the stomach to finish their ice creams, so they stood and took them over to the trash before walking back to the car to drive back to the campsite.

Obviously, Kenny couldn’t hear Tweek’s end of the conversation, but he’d heard enough to know it was unpleasant. He wished he could do something to make Craig feel better, but was at a loss for how that could be achieved. He chose to remain silent as they drove, which proved to be the state of things all the way back. Craig mostly stared out the window, his shoulders down in defeat. It was obvious he was hurting.

Once they pulled into camp they both got out and found things to occupy their time. Kenny pulled out one of his journals and settled down on the ground, jotting down the events of the day and his thoughts about what had transpired. Craig grabbed a small bag and mumbled something about going on a walk. Kenny offered him a sympathetic glance before getting totally absorbed in his writing. 

As he documented his day he became aware of a few themes in his heart. First, the Tetons had been everything he’d hoped for and then some. The beauty of the area was astounding and moving. Being fixed in their majesty was feeding him in exactly the way he’d longed for. It gave him a sort of high, and he knew he could continue to chase it for the next few weeks to help heal the wounds he needed to nurse.

The second thing he became aware of was the irony of the high. He knew, in a way, that chasing this natural high was another form of avoidance of his issues, which was not the intent of this trip at all. He knew he needed to take some time to confront the problems in his life. As much as he did and didn’t want to, it was necessary if he was going to take any real steps toward a new life. What could he do about his sister? Could he get legal custody of her? Would his parents fight it? Would they care at all? And what exactly _was_ he looking for? He knew, on some level, deep down in his heart he wanted the family he’d never had. The thing was, if he up and left that would take quite some time to find. He would have to meet someone he could love and build a family of his own; a better, more functional one. A family in which the parents didn’t neglect their children, or scream at and degrade them, or beat the living hell out of them because they’d looked at you wrong.

His stomach ached at the thought. He hadn’t ever told anyone the truth of it; not even Kyle, Stan or Cartman. 

He let out a sigh, stuffing that down for now. He knew he would have to deal with it eventually, but today was not that day. As he looked down at his writing, checking for errors and deciding on the prose, a final theme became apparent.

Craig.

Craig was endlessly interesting to him all of a sudden. How could that be? The two of them had barely spoken in years. And yet, as he wrote down his thoughts, Craig occupied a significant amount of that space. Maybe it was just because they were there together and he wasn’t talking to anyone else. Maybe it was more. He couldn’t be sure. He was aware, on some level, that an attraction was starting to flourish. He vaguely remembered it being there when they were younger; he vaguely remembered stuffing it down and avoiding him, too. He felt a little nervous at the thought of what he’d gotten himself into. Maybe asking Craig hadn’t been as random as he’d let himself think it was.

…

Craig wandered along the main dirt road that led to further campsites. He wanted some privacy so he could wallow after that horrible phone call. Fucking Tweek. He’d called him on his bullshit and he really didn’t like it. This was why he had to get so far away. If he could fuck him up this much with a phone call, he would definitely cloud his judgment in person. It was like that with them; Tweek had him like that, even if he didn’t mean to. He could convince him to jump off of a cliff if he’d wanted to; when they were together, Craig felt like he’d do anything for him. It would’ve been toxic if Tweek had been aware enough to exploit it, but he wasn’t; he was far too sweet for that.

Craig allowed some tears to fall down his cheeks as he wandered down near the creek, making sure he was in a secluded portion of it where he’d remain undisturbed. He sat down in the dirt and removed his shoes, rolling up his jeans a bit so he could stick his feet in the ice cold water. He stared at the trees before him and listened to the steady lull of the stream as he cried quietly. It hurt so bad, the conflicted feelings he harbored for him. He wanted nothing more than to go home and take it all back and fall back into the familiar comfort of their long relationship. He also wanted so very badly to pry himself away from him; he wanted to know what it’d be like to be with someone who liked him for who he was to start with.

He wiped his face and sniffled as the comment Kenny had made on their hike ran through his head. That had truly shaken him. There wasn’t a single person he could think of in his life who’d said as much about him. Honestly, everyone who knew him well or was in some kind of position of authority over him had been cautioning him that his ways were destructive and dangerous for as long as he could remember. He’d never been accepted. He’d always been told he needed to change.

He shook his head, wiping his eyes once more as the tears stopped. He opened up his small bag and pulled out a clean razor blade; he had started doing it about a year ago, and these sessions were increasing in frequency. It helped though, for whatever reason; he didn’t fully understand it. He had started out cutting into his arms, but quickly realized it was less noticeable on his ankles, so he alternated between them and found clean areas to cut into. Just one cut today, he thought as he gently pushed the blade into the skin near his inner ankle. He drug it slowly, his heart racing as the pain triggered what he could only describe as a total release of his most frustrating emotions. It was like a flood, and then it was over. He pulled out some sanitizing alcohol wipes and cleaned off the blade before sticking them both into the bag and setting it aside.

He looked down at the cut, feeling numb as he watched it bleed for a while. Eventually, he decided to pull a small bandage out from his bag and covered it up; he didn’t want to bleed on his jeans and get noticed by Kenny. He put the trash into the bag and zipped it, deciding he’d head back now that he’d done something to ease his frustration. As he made his way back to the campsite he gathered up some pieces of wood here and there, figuring they should probably light a fire soon; the sun was already starting to set.

As he walked into camp, Kenny looked up and smiled at him, which for whatever reason made Craig feel at ease in a way he hadn’t for quite some time. Maybe it was those kind things he’d said.

“Oh, cool…you got some wood! Let’s go grab some more, I’ll help,” Kenny offered as he set his notebook aside and stood up.

“Yeah, for sure,” Craig said quietly as the two of them made their way down near the creek beside the camp.

Kenny could tell Craig had been crying; his cheeks were a dead giveaway. The two of them spent about ten minutes or so gathering wood in silence, walking back and forth and dropping piles down by the center of camp. Once they were satisfied they had enough, Craig grabbed some lighter fluid from the trunk. Kenny put the wood into the shape of a teepee and Craig doused it with lighter fluid, after which he lit a match and gently tossed it into the pit. It immediately lit, causing them both to crack a smile.

“We have made fire!” Kenny joked, lifting his fists above his head.

Craig let out an amused laugh sitting down on the ground beside the fire and lifting his knees to his chest. Kenny sat down beside him, wishing he knew how to start a conversation. He wanted to help him, but he didn’t want to overstep. It was quiet between them both for quite a while before Craig decided to speak, sadness heavy in his voice.

“I wasn’t entirely up front with you earlier about what happened with me and Tweek.”

Kenny looked at him, curiosity obvious on his face. Craig eyed him nervously, trying to decide if he really wanted to divulge; he ultimately decided he did.

“We were out at the park, just laying around on a blanket and hanging out. We were holding hands…we do that sort of thing all the time, it’s never been a problem. Anyway, we were just, like, hanging out and it was romantic or whatever so I kissed him. I probably shouldn’t have…you know, people can be cruel, but I just kind of forgot that for a minute, I guess. So I kissed him and this guy was suddenly beside us and he starts shouting slurs at us and saying hateful things. I knew the situation could be dangerous, but I was just so shocked and pissed I didn’t care. I stood up and I got in his face and I started threatening him. Tweek was freaking out and begging me to just leave with him, but I didn’t. I just had to push it. I pushed it and this goddamn asshole pulls out this big ass pocket knife and holds it up at me. It fucking shocked me. I mean, you hear about these things happening, but…I don’t know…when it happens to you it almost doesn’t feel real. It scared the shit out of me, like…really. I fucking grabbed Tweek and we ran out of there like we’ve never ran before.”

“Jesus…that’s…I’m so sorry, Craig. That’s awful.”

Craig nodded, pulling a pack of cigarettes of out of his pocket and popping one into his mouth. He lit it and held up the pack, offering one to Kenny; he took one and lit it too, looking Craig over as he continued.

“Anyway, that’s the way it went down. We got out of there and he just lost his shit on me. He was crying and yelling at me…which, I mean…fair enough, I guess. I almost got us killed. He said he was done with me, but it felt different than the other times. We’ve never had something like that happen before, and when we’ve broken up it’s never been over anything serious like that. This was serious. This was really fucking serious; he thinks I’m off my rocker and, I dunno, maybe he’s right. Maybe I am just…broken.”

Kenny reached out and touched his arm, unsure of what he could say. Craig took a drag off of his cigarette and looked up at him, “so…you still think I’m fine the way I am? A good person who shouldn’t change?”

Kenny kept his hand on his arm and looked him right in the eyes as he spoke sincerely, “Yes, I do. So what? You lost your temper on someone who was being a monster. You’re hot headed, but so are lots of other people. I mean, we all have the capacity to lose it in a situation like that. Tweek wanted to run, you wanted to fight. You’re two different people, that doesn’t make you bad. It just an aspect of who you are.”

Craig stared at him, a pained look on his face before he averted his eyes. Kenny released his arm as they both smoked in silence for a moment. Craig rubbed his hand over his mouth thoughtfully before looking at Kenny again.

“These things you’re saying to me are kind of fucking me up, you know.”

“What do you mean? I’m not trying to do that…”

“No…not, like, in a bad way. I mean…I just…it means a lot, I guess. Thank you for saying it.”

Kenny smiled at him warmly, “you’re welcome, Craig.”

Craig nodded, averting his eyes again as he finished off his cigarette and flicked it into the fire, watching in silence as it burned into oblivion. They alternated between silence and discussion of what they would do tomorrow before dumping some water onto the fire and heading into their tent for the night. It wasn’t as awkward this time as they settled into their sleeping bag, and Craig didn’t turn his back to him either. He settled in on his side, closing his eyes and falling into a deep, immediate sleep. Kenny, as usual, took a bit longer to drift off, his mind occupied with a flurry of thoughts. As he started to grow tired his eyes drifted toward Craig; he turned to face him and took in the sight of his pleasant face as he started to drift. He really was fine just the way he was; he was determined that by the end of this trip he’d get him to see that. Craig Tucker really needed someone in his corner, and Kenny had made up his mind that he was going to be that person. 

“You’re good,” he whispered, reaching out and brushing his cheek before retracting his hand and closing his own eyes, letting the world fade into silence as he fell into another night of dreamless sleep.


	5. I've Told You Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny and Craig explore some more, and some more truths come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely reviews :) and thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the rest.

To Hell With Boredom

Chapter 05: I’ve Told You Now

Kenny was the first to wake again, and much as the day before, when he tried to sneak out of bed he woke Craig up.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Craig smiled at him sleepily, “It’s okay.”

Kenny eyed him, his cheeks flushing a little as he was struck once more by how attractive he found Craig to be in the morning. There was something a little more vulnerable about him when he was groggy and not fully awake; he hadn’t put his guard up just yet.

“Alright, well…I’m gonna go and get ready,” Kenny explained as he dug out some fresh clothes and soap.

Craig nodded, continuing to lay inside the warm sleeping bag as he waited for Kenny to get cleaned up. The sun was already rising, but it was still very chilly in the mornings, much as it was back home. Before long, Kenny had returned and it was time for Craig to emerge from the comfort of the sleeping bag. He really didn’t want to just yet, but he forced himself out and went down to the freezing cold creek and washed himself off rapidly. It woke him up, that was for sure. Once he’d returned they zipped up the tent and piled back into the car for another day of exploration. They’d decided the night before that they wanted to see the area over near the Moran entrance; Kenny had heard there were often grizzly bear sightings up that way, and they were hoping they’d get lucky.

As was becoming their routine, they stopped and grabbed gas and coffees, this time opting to eat some granola bars that they’d already brought from home. As Craig drove onward, Kenny found his mind wandering off to his family a bit. Much as he’d acknowledged in his journal the day before, he knew he was going to have to start putting some thought into the whole thing, and he figured his time as passenger was likely as good as any. He started to formulate a plan for getting Karen in his mind; he figured he’d decide on a place to settle and get some work. He could get in touch with Kyle or Stan and send them some money, maybe ask them to use it to purchase her a plane ticket; the only issue was how his father would react. Fuck. It probably wouldn’t work. He wished he could call Karen and see what was going on there, but they didn’t have a home phone and he didn’t want to call his father; he was the only other person in the home with a cell phone. 

He fucking lorded over the whole family, the gatekeeper of all information and outside communication. The thought of it made him want to scream. He quickly pushed it away. Considering Karen was one thing. Letting his mind land on his father and the shitty things he did to victimize and abuse his family was another.

“You alright?” Craig’s flat voice thankfully interrupted Kenny’s thoughts.

He hadn’t realized he was clenching his jaw, which was already growing sore. He put his hand to his forehead and rubbed it for a moment before audibly dropping it into his lap and letting out a sigh.

“Yeah, just thinking.”

Craig nodded, unsure if he should ask more questions. He glanced over at Kenny, trying to get a read on him. Kenny noticed and offered him a smile, doing his best to push his sadness away. Craig wasn’t fooled.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

For the first time since they’d embarked on their journey together, Kenny’s face truly fell. Craig kept glancing over at him, knowing whatever was occupying his thoughts wasn’t good. He couldn’t help himself as he reached out and grasped Kenny’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m here if you need me.”

Kenny’s cheeks flushed as Craig’s hand remained around his own. He swallowed hard as he found the courage to slide his fingers between Craig’s, indicating his want for the physical contact. Craig’s stomach fluttered a little as they remained that way, Kenny’s voice softly filling the car as he decided to share.

“I wasn’t entirely up front with you about my family yesterday, either. I mean, the stuff I said was true. We’re always broke, my parents are always fighting, my brother is a dead beat. It’s all true, but it isn’t the worst of it.”

Craig continued to hold Kenny’s hand as he listened intently. Kenny shifted in his seat a little as he tried to find the words.

“My dad is just…he’s majorly abusive. My mom can be, too. She loses her shit and wails on us, but…I don’t know, it isn’t as threatening I guess. She’s small and she’s run down. Life with my dad has taken a toll on her, too. He hits us; he’s beaten me pretty good here and there. I usually would just skip out on school for a few days after a bad one so people wouldn’t see the bruises. It sucks, but I’ve held my own.”

Craig glanced at him, a sympathetic look on his face, “I thought as much. I’ve seen bruises on you before. I’ve seen them on your mom, too.”

Kenny nodded, “yeah, well…that’s not the worst part either. I can take a punch or two. Especially now that I’m grown. The truth is, he’s getting older and weaker and I could kick the shit out of him if I decided to.”

“So, what holds you back?”

Kenny dropped his gaze, focusing on their clasped hands.

“Because of what he’ll do to my mom and sister. He knows I can take him, but he’s also malicious as fuck. The worst of who he is isn’t the physical shit, but the mind games. He’s manipulative and vindictive and he holds onto all the power in the house at all costs. He knows he can’t keep me in line physically anymore, so he hurts my sister instead. The things he’s done to them when I’ve pushed back…” his voice trailed off, allowing a conspicuous ache to fill the air, “…I can’t even talk about it, Craig. It’s just…it’s really fucking bad.”

Craig’s stomach felt unsettled as he took in the ugly truth of what Kenny had said. He’d known it was bad, but it sounded like there was something a lot more sinister going on in that house than he’d originally thought.

“Christ, Kenny.”

Kenny nodded, “That’s why I ran off. I’m really fucking worried about Karen. I have to get her away from there. I’m just not sure if I can, you know, legally.”

“Does that really matter? It’s not like your parents can afford a lawyer. Why don’t we just go back and take her?”

Kenny shook his head, a stressed look plain on his face, “No. You don’t understand. When I left, I wrote them a note telling them I’d be back soon. I didn’t tell them I was running. If my dad knew I was running he would hurt her. He would hurt her and make sure I knew it. Maybe they don’t have a ton of money for lawyers or whatever, but dad would find a way. He would come after us himself or he might torture the fuck out of my mom until we brought her back. Whatever. He’d do something. I don’t think he’d just let me take her and be done with it.”

Kenny felt Craig’s hand start to squeeze his own; he knew that was exactly the sort of thing that really fired Tucker up. In a way, Craig’s palpable rage felt good. He liked having someone mad on his behalf. He liked knowing the situation really was as fucked as it sounded and feeling like he wasn’t entirely alone in it for once.

“You’ve never told your friends _any_ of this?” Craig asked, still glancing over at Kenny often.

Kenny shook his head, “No. I’ve never told anyone.”

Craig swallowed, somewhat relaxing his grip on Kenny’s hand. He wasn’t entirely sure how to express himself, but he was grateful that Kenny felt safe sharing his situation with him. In all honesty, he wanted nothing more than to turn the car around and go back to South Park to beat Kenny’s dad into a bloody pulp. It sounded like it was what he deserved. It also sounded like, as tough as it might be for Kenny to have to face, he was going to have to go back home. Getting Karen wasn’t going to be so simple. As he glanced over at Kenny and took note of the troubled look on his face, he decided to set that thought aside for now. They could face it when the time came. For now, he just wanted to hold his hand; they stayed that way until they found themselves at the Moran entrance, which led Kenny to finally release Craig’s hand so he could fish their park pass from his wallet. Craig flashed it to the ranger, who offered them a map. They took it and waved at him as they drove into the park.

Kenny was immediately able to stuff his troubles down as the high he felt yesterday started to work its magic yet again. He was very capable of compartmentalizing, so it was really easy for him to shift gears emotionally as they slowly drove through the park. The first turnout they came to was called Oxbow Bend, and there were quite a few cars parked there.

“Do you want to pull over here?” Craig asked.

“Yeah, let’s check it out.”

Craig nodded as he pulled into the small parking lot, taking advantage of the last free space. They got out, both of them stretching out before coming together and walking over near the viewpoint; it was quite a view, indeed. There was a nearly still portion of river surrounding a landmass that kind of looked like a small island, the peaks of the Tetons visible in the distance. It was breathtaking. Kenny stared out, entirely charmed by the natural beauty of the area as Craig lifted his camera and snapped a few photos. 

“Come on,” Craig said as he grasped Kenny’s hand, leading him down a small path that went near the water below.

There weren’t any people down there, and the two of them found a place to sit and stare out at the water together. It was relatively quiet, other than a group of people above them chatting about their adventures in the park. It sounded like a group of wildlife photographers, and as the two of them listened they actually got some pretty good information about where and when they might see some grizzly bears in this part of the park. Craig leaned close to Kenny and whispered fondly.

“Sounds like we might actually find some bears…”

Kenny let out a quiet laugh, “Sounds like it.”

Craig smiled at him, his eyes lingering a moment longer than one would expect from a friend. The fact clung to the both of them like honey as Craig cleared his throat and quickly looked away; Kenny continued to stare, his stomach lightening. He wanted to kiss him, but obviously couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time.

“So, have you, like, ever dated _anyone_? I know you said you’ve never been serious with anyone, but you must’ve at least dated someone for a while by now…?” Craig suddenly asked, kind of wanting to get a feel for what the situation was; he was starting to feel something stirring between the two of them, but he also wasn’t sure if it was entirely in his own head. As far as he knew, Kenny was straight; enthusiastically so.

Kenny knew what he was getting at, but he also wasn’t sure how blunt he should or shouldn’t be. It was all so unfamiliar, and Craig made him more nervous than any of the women he’d dated before. There was something about him that just felt like it mattered more; he didn’t want to break it before it had even begun. Would it begin? Was there anything there? 

“Um…well, I mean I’ve dated. No one for more than a month or so. There aren’t exactly a ton of dating opportunities back home.”

Craig let out a laugh, “I mean, I guess. At least you have more options than I do!”

Kenny’s face flushed again, “Sorry…I know.”

Craig nudged him playfully, “Don’t be sorry. It is what it is. I’ve always had Tweek anyway.”

Kenny’s cheeks remained hot as he struggled with what he should or shouldn’t say. He wanted to let him know the option was there, but he also didn’t want to sound like he wanted it to happen or anything either. He wanted so badly to play it cool, but instead he found himself awkwardly blurting out entirely too many words like he always did in these types of situations. Christ; sometimes he wished he could shove his face deep into a hood like he’d done in his youth.

“You know…I kind of had a crush on you when we were kids. Like…junior high I think. But, you know, you and Tweek were always a thing and we didn’t really hang out so I kind of just ignored it and stuff, but, uh, yeah. That was definitely a thing.”

Craig raised his eyebrows, a little surprised and also slightly amused at Kenny’s obviously frayed nerves.

“You did?”

Kenny looked at him and offered the most awkward, adorable smile Craig could possibly imagine as he spoke up again, “Yeah. I did.”

Kenny cleared his throat and looked down at his hands, which were starting to shake a little. Calm down Kenny. This isn’t _that_ big of a deal. Jesus.

Craig eyed him, a fond and understanding look on his face as he absorbed the information. He scratched the side of his nose real quick as he turned his attention back out to the water, leaning back onto his elbows and crossing his feet.

“I would’ve never guessed that in a million years, Kenny.”

Kenny shrugged, “I know.”

Craig continued to look out at the water as he spoke, “I mean, I just always heard from the girls at school that you are kind of a womanizer.”

Kenny let out a nervous laugh, “That’s not an untrue statement.”

“So…are you, like, aware of where you land sexually then? Or is this kind of an unknown for you?”

Kenny was fiddling with his hands in his lap, staring down at them as he tried to be candid, “I guess it’s kind of an unknown. I’ve thought about it. I’ve _wanted_ to at times; there’s just never been an opportunity.”

Craig nodded thoughtfully, “I get that. It can take some time to sort out. I was kind of lucky that Tweek and I got pushed together so young. We obviously didn’t get serious or physical until a lot later, but just having that out in the open really helped me sort through those things.”

Kenny found the courage to look at Craig, who met his gaze immediately.

“Did you know before you had sex?”

Craig sat back up and pulled his knees into his chest, scratching at his head for a second.

“Uh…well, yes and no. I mean…I guess I would describe it like this; I knew I was attracted to Tweek, even before we got together. I knew I ‘should’ve’ been having these feelings for girls, and I also knew I just didn’t. So, it wasn’t especially complicated for me. Once Tweek and I slept together it was definitely really obvious. I’ve never been with a woman, and I don’t have any desire to be. So, it’s pretty cut and dry for me. I think with you, from what you’re telling me, it might be a bit more complicated. You sound bisexual maybe? But I don’t know. You’d have to, uh, you know…you’d have to go out there and have your experiences.”

Kenny nodded. He knew that was true. He also knew he had the option of never exploring it and just sticking with what made life easier for him out in the greater context of society. Being around Craig so much was blurring the lines between which path he really wanted to go down. Before this trip, he’d pretty much decided to ignore his unexplored wants. Now he wasn’t so certain.

“Thanks,” Kenny offered quietly, smiling appreciatively toward his friend.

Craig nodded, “Yeah. For sure. I know it can be tough. You’ll be alright, though, whatever you decide to do. We live in better times than the people who came before us, and I hope we can keep forging that path for those who come after.”

A short silence settled between them before Craig stood himself up and brushed the dirt off of his pants, “So…are we going to try and find some grizzly bears or what?”

Kenny smiled broadly and stood up, too, “Okay, let’s go.”

They walked back up the path and loaded into the car, Craig taking the wheel once more. Kenny pulled out the map and looked for the area they’d heard the photographers discussing. It wasn’t too far up the road.

“Okay, it looks like we just follow this road up to the Pilgrim Creek area. We might get lucky and see something up there.”

“Alright,” Craig said as he backed out and started to drive slowly. 

They rolled down their windows to let the fresh air in; it had warmed up significantly since they’d gotten there and it was actually starting to feel a little hot. Craig couldn’t help but feel sort of stressed; he had decided to put a t-shirt on beneath his sweater because he thought it would stay around the same temperature it had the day before. He never went around with bare arms; he had enough scars that it was obvious what he did to himself. He didn’t want to have to expose that to Kenny. Hopefully it didn’t warm up much more, but it was approaching midday and he assumed it would only get hotter. Fuck.

“Oh my god!” Kenny gasped as Craig took note of a row of cars pulled over on the side of the road. He couldn’t have gotten through if he wanted to, and he quickly realized why. 

As he pulled the car over as best he could near an open field, he spotted a mother grizzly bear with two nearly grown cubs beside her. People were stopping in the middle of the road and leaping out of their cars to take photographs; it was quite the scene. Kenny and Craig both got out of the car, though they didn’t want to wander too far from it. The bears were quite a ways away, but they also didn’t want to find themselves too far from shelter in the event they headed toward them.

“Wow…they’re amazing,” Craig marveled, a little surprised at how moved he felt to see such a powerful animal; it kind of made his eyes water.

Kenny nodded, caught up in the excitement of it all. The bears looked to be grazing the field, and they were moving very quickly. They were only able to watch them for a minute or so before they’d disappeared back into the woods; just like that, it was over. They’d been in just the right place at just the right time. Without saying a word, they got back into their car and waited for the traffic to clear enough for them to get back out onto the main road.

“We’re having some pretty damn good luck!” Kenny said, his tone full of gratitude and joy.

Craig laughed, “That and you just know where to be, it seems.”

“That, too,” Kenny said confidently.

After the bear sighting they decided to hike another trail up near Signal Mountain, which was thankfully shaded as the heat increased. The two of them alternated between bullshitting about mutual friends and silence, the latter of which filled most of their time; they were both content to take in their surroundings and sit with their thoughts. Even with the shade though, the heat was bearing down on them. Kenny removed his jacket and tied it around his waist, much as they’d done the day before. Craig had worn a thin long sleeve yesterday, though, so today he would just have to deal. Much to Craig’s frustration, Kenny did take notice after a while.

“Aren’t you hot?”

“No, I’m okay,” he lied.

Kenny eyed him, unsure what his deal was; his hair was damp with sweat atop his head and he was breathing kind of labored. He was obviously burning up in the heat.

“Uh, maybe we should sit down and take a break,” Kenny offered, not wanting to push him, but also not wanting to have to carry him back if he passed out or something.

Craig nodded as they located a couple of sizeable rocks near the trail and sat down. Fuck. They should’ve brought some water with them. Craig wiped the sweat from his forehead and face as he slowly caught his breath. He felt almost like he was going to barf. Kenny watched him cautiously.

“We should head back and get some water. You’ve got to take your sweater off…you’re gonna pass out.”

Craig let out a frustrated whimper; he knew he was right.

“Alright…listen…here’s the thing…” Craig said, still sounding a little out of breath, “…you’re going to see it, so I might as well let you know. My arms are all cut to shit. I know it’s a problem…I don’t need you to tell me that.”

Kenny nodded, taking a moment to understand what he was saying. It dawned on him after a few seconds, though.

“Okay, that’s okay. I won’t say anything about it.”

Craig nodded, a hesitant look on his face before he pulled his hoodie off, exposing his scarred up arms. It wasn’t over-the-top horrible, but it was definitely obvious what he’d been doing. Kenny swallowed, allowing his eyes to linger perhaps a bit too long; he couldn’t help it. It was just such a tangible example of Craig’s hurt. You could physically see his pain; he was literally wearing it on his sleeve. It was both jarring and fascinating. Craig immediately grew uncomfortable under Kenny’s gaze, instinctively folding his arms and lowering his shoulders. Kenny quickly averted his eyes, realizing his mistake; both of them stared at the ground as they sat for a few more minutes.

“Okay, I can walk. Let’s go back,” Craig insisted, standing himself up and starting to walk off ahead of Kenny.

Kenny hopped up and followed, quickly catching up to him. Neither of them said anything else for the rest of the walk. When they got back to the car Craig popped the trunk and grabbed a water bottle, quickly downing it; Kenny drank some water, too, though he wasn’t nearly as desperate for it as Craig was. After a moment, Craig handed over the keys to Kenny so he could drive them back to their campsite; it was afternoon by the time they’d gotten back to the car and they wanted to get back early enough to have some daylight.

They both loaded back up into the car and rolled down the windows so the breeze could cool them off. Craig leaned his head back into the seat and closed his eyes, enjoying the cool air on his damp skin. He had to admit, it felt good to have his arms out in the open; it was the first time in more than a year that he’d let himself be so exposed. It had been humiliating out on the trail, but now that it was over with he felt kind of free. Kenny had kept his promise; he didn’t say a thing, and he really, really appreciated it. Before he knew it, he nodded off to sleep. It felt like he’d only just shut his eyes by the time he felt the car slow to a halt; they were back at camp. He blinked his eyes into focus, trying to shake the sleep off.

“Oh, shit…that was fast…” he mumbled as he rubbed his eyes and stretched out his legs.

“You knocked out,” Kenny teased as he shut the car off and got out.

Craig quickly followed suit, eager to be back at camp. Much as they’d done the day before, they retreated into their own activities for a while. Kenny journaled out by the fire pit; Craig laid down in the tent and lazily read a book he’d brought along. They passed quite a bit of time this way before Craig decided to emerge from the tent, having a seat on the ground beside Kenny.

“So, what’re we doing tomorrow?” he asked.

“I don’t know…uh…maybe we ought to find somewhere to do some laundry. Our clothes are kind of piling up.”

Craig nodded, “Yeah…they definitely are.”

Kenny looked down at his hands as he rubbed one of his fingers against his thumb thoughtfully.

“Let’s just take it easy tomorrow. We can find a Laundromat and hang out. I’ve got to put some thought into this whole thing with Karen. I might call Stan and ask him to check in on her.”

Craig nodded. That sounded fine to him; he should probably check in with his parents; maybe Tweek, too. He wasn’t sure. He’d not really thought about Tweek a whole lot today, and if he was honest with himself, it felt kind of good. For the first time in a while, actually, he didn’t feel quite so self-loathing and sullen. What did that mean? Was Tweek the reason he felt like that? He had to admit, he was continually amazed at the way Kenny acted around him versus Tweek. He just seemed like he embraced him; like he understood him, even. He’d thought for sure when he’d seen his arms he was going to lecture him or give him some shit. If there was anything he’d learned from that experience it was that Kenny was a person who kept his word, and it had absolutely captured Craig’s attention. He found himself wanting to know him more. 

Just who was this person who said these nice things to him and actually kept his promises, and why hadn’t he ever noticed him before?

No matter. He was definitely noticing him now. In fact, for the rest of the evening he often found his eyes drifting toward him and lingering just a bit too long. They’d spent their evening chatting about this and that, not prying as deeply as they had earlier in the day. They built a fire and baked some foil wrapped potatoes over it, eating them plain with beef jerky on the side. They finished off the night much as they had before, smoking some cigarettes and then dousing the fire with water before retreating into the tent.

As they settled into the sleeping bag they both laid down facing one another, both of them carrying an enormous amount of desire in their hearts, and both of them too uncertain to do anything about it. Craig placed his hand on the pillow in front of his face as he started to drift off first; Kenny gently reached out and trailed some of the scars along his arms, almost absent mindedly as he looked them over. Craig felt it, his eyes fluttering open. Kenny met his gaze, placing his hand on Craig’s arm and rubbing with his thumb gently. Craig’s face almost looked pained as he quietly slid his arm down just a bit, wrapping his fingers around Kenny’s hand. Neither of them said a word as Kenny slid his face just a bit closer, wrapping his own fingers around Craig’s. They held on tight, eyeing one another, an intense uncertainty in both of their eyes. Eventually they grew used to the contact, however, and Craig’s charming eyes closed as he drifted off to sleep. Kenny stared at him until he couldn’t fight it any longer, his eyes fluttering shut as he fell asleep, too.


	6. Hopeful Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny and Craig take their relationship to the next level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter :) I tried to make it sweet & I hope it gives you all the feels. Thanks for reading!

Kenny and Craig both woke as the wind whipped their tent loudly. They were a little groggy as they tried to shake off the sleep and assess what they were hearing.

“Shit…it sounds pretty bad out there…” Craig mumbled as he pulled the blanket up beneath his chin.

Kenny nodded in agreement. It sounded like it was raining fairly hard, and every so often a gust of wind smacked their tent and tossed the top of it about; it was pretty chilly on their faces. 

“Well…damn. Looks like we’re stuck in here for now,” Kenny sighed.

At least they hadn’t really had anything fun planned anyway. The laundry would have to wait. Craig let out a yawn before sitting up and rubbing at his eyes, looking quietly around the tent. At least he’d brought some books and his iPod. He stretched his arms above his head before sliding of off the mattress and digging his toothbrush and some deodorant out of his bag. Kenny stayed in the bed, listening as Craig got himself freshened up. He knew he was going to have a lot of time to think about things today, which he knew he had to do. He just really, really didn’t want to. He let out a quiet sigh as he turned his head and looked toward Craig, who was pulling some things to occupy himself out of his travel bag. Kenny couldn’t help but smile as he watched him; he was wildly adorable to him with his casual, dark gray sweater and jogger sweatpants. After a moment Craig had located his book and iPod, catching Kenny’s gaze as he returned to the bed.

“What?” he asked, his cheeks flushing at the realization he was being watched.

“Nothing,” Kenny said as he got out of bed.

Craig laid back down under the blankets, but he folded up his pillow so it propped his head up a little as he settled his book down on his chest and started to read. Kenny freshened himself up and pulled out his journals, suddenly realizing he hadn’t brought much else to entertain himself; he’d kind of assumed they’d be in the park every day.

“Hey, you don’t have any more books with you than that, do you? I didn’t really bring much to do…”

“Yeah, I’ve got a couple…go ahead and grab one out of my bag if you want.”

“Cool, thanks,” he said as he located Craig’s bag and started to go through it.

He pulled a couple of books out and settled on “Into the Wild”, which sounded the most interesting to him. Admittedly, even though Kenny was pretty into writing himself, he hadn’t done a whole lot of reading; unless you counted Playboy magazine. He figured he’d give it a go, though. At least it was something to occupy his mind outside of his problems. He made his way back over to the air mattress and buried his legs into the sleeping bag as he opened his journal in his lap. Craig offered him a quick smile before falling back into his book, genuinely lost in what he was reading. Kenny started to jot down his thoughts.

_Well…it’s raining and crazy windy today. I didn’t bring a whole hell of a lot to do. Craig was nice enough to let me borrow a book, so I guess I’ll try to read some. Not sure that will occupy us all day though; what the hell are we going to do all day in here? I mean…I have some ideas, but they probably aren’t going to happen. Still…it would be nice._

He put the back end of his pen into his mouth and chewed on it a little as his mind drifted toward his family again. He may as well get some of it out. He felt his jaw tighten as he lowered his pen and let it flow.

_What can I do about Karen? I was really hoping we could go out into town so I could get Stan over there. Maybe it’s better if I don’t, though. It might tip off my dad. I hope Karen and mom are okay. Maybe I could convince mom to leave, too. If I can’t, though…is it really on me if he does something to her? If I give her the chance to run and she doesn’t, is it just delaying the inevitable to try and save her? Why do I feel like this all depends on me? Why can’t I just take Karen and forget about the rest of them? What is wrong with me?_

He put the back of the pen into his mouth again and bit down on it hard. He felt a little sick and it took him a moment to lower it again.

_It is on me, though, isn’t it? Mom and Karen need me. I’m the only one who can save them. I just don’t know how._

At that he decided to shut the journal and sit with his thoughts for a while. He set it aside and slid down into the sleeping bag, staring up at the top of the tent and listening as the rain and wind continued to batter it. He swallowed, tears nagging at the backs of his eyes and a small amount of panic in his chest as he struggled to figure out what he should do. He wanted to keep running. He wanted to move on to Yellowstone as soon as possible so he could get lost in some new sights for a while. He considered trying to get himself a ranching job up in Montana once it was all through. Maybe he could send some money back with Craig and have Kyle or Stan give it to Karen. He could give them a note asking them both to leave and come to Montana with him. Maybe someone would drive them up to him; it would have to be immediate, and the money could never be given to his mom because she’d just blow it on booze and drugs.

He shut his eyes in frustration at the thought. He knew in his heart this plan wouldn’t work either. He really saw no way around it other than going home and forcibly taking Karen; hopefully his mom would choose to come, too. Fuck. He really didn’t want to go back. He wanted to get as far away from home as he possibly could and never, ever return.

As Kenny laid there thinking about his mess of a family, Craig found himself bored with his book. He quietly set it aside and unfolded his pillow, sliding down further into the sleeping bag and turning his body toward Kenny. His blonde friend met his eyes, a questioning look on his face. Craig shrugged.

“I’m bored.”

Kenny let out a small laugh, “this is going to be a long fucking day if we’re already bored.”

Craig nodded in agreement, placing his hand in front of his face much as he’d done the night before. Kenny turned onto his side and faced Craig, looking down at his sweater clad arms. Craig immediately knew he was thinking about the cuts; he wasn’t even sure why he did it, but he slid his arm over to Kenny and allowed him to roll up his sleeve so he could look at them once more. He watched intently as Kenny trailed them with his fingers again, his stomach fluttering at his touch.

“You can ask me about it, if you want,” Craig said quietly.

Kenny’s eyes met his, an unreadable expression on his face, “There’s nothing to ask. I understand.”

Craig found himself a little surprised as he was hit with a wave of intense emotion. Kenny could feel Craig’s hands start to tremble as he watched a saddened look cross his face.

“Why are you so nice to me?” he asked, his voice wavering.

“That’s not the right question to ask,” Kenny said quietly, still trailing his fingers over Craig’s scars.

“What is the right question to ask?”

“The right question to ask is why you keep surrounding yourself with people who aren’t.”

Craig swallowed, a stray tear falling from one of his widened blue eyes as he blinked.

“I can’t find anyone who doesn’t think I’m a fuck up…” he started to protest.

“I don’t think you’re a fuck up.”

Craig closed his mouth and stared at him, trying to figure him out.

“I don’t understand why you like me so much.”

Kenny lifted Craig’s arm to his lips and kissed his scars gently before he leaned in closer and started to kiss his neck, whispering affectionately between them.

“Because…you’re good. You’re a good person…and I like you…I like being around you…”

Craig placed his hand to the back of Kenny’s head, his heart starting to pound in his chest as Kenny buried his face into his neck. Once he pulled back, Craig searched his face questioningly, whispering at him as though he might run away if he were too loud.

“I like you, too.”

Kenny put his hand to the back of Craig’s neck and pulled him close for a real kiss. Craig shut his eyes and melted into it, enjoying the newness of another’s kiss. After a few moments, Kenny slid his body atop Craig’s, settling between his legs as they continued to kiss. Once they stopped, Craig stared up at him, a little out of breath.

“I’m not entirely over Tweek,” he admitted, wanting to be upfront with him.

“I know. I don’t care.”

“I don’t want to hurt you…”

Kenny smiled at him and shook his head, “you won’t. Trust me.”

Craig stared at him some more, uncertainty hanging heavy in the space between them.

“I want you,” Kenny finally said earnestly.

Craig’s stomach fluttered again. He knew that, but hearing it out loud felt good.

“I’m not usually, um, the bottom…” Craig tried to explain, knowing Kenny had never done anything like this before. He felt a little self-conscious being his first, “…but, if you want me to be that’s okay. I’m okay with it.”

Kenny’s face reddened a little; it was what he wanted.

“Okay,” he said quietly, “hang on.”

Craig nodded as Kenny got off of him and went over to his bag, pulling a bottle of lube out. He had an awkward grin on his face as Kenny returned and settled back down on top of him.

“You brought that?” Craig asked, letting out a quiet laugh.

Kenny shrugged, “what? You never know…”

Craig laughed again, wrapping his arms around Kenny’s thin frame, noting how different his body felt from Tweek’s. This was all so new. Kenny rubbed Craig’s cheek affectionately before leaning down to kiss him again. They made out for a few minutes, both of them getting pretty worked up, before Kenny broke their kiss and slid out of his pants; Craig did the same. They both looked each other over briefly as Kenny applied a generous amount of lubrication to himself, handing the bottle over to Craig so he could do the same. Once he was finished, he settled back on top of Craig, pulling the blankets atop them both to shield their bodies from the cold. Craig pulled him in close, touching his cheek to his and letting out some small gasps as Kenny carefully eased in. They both breathed shallow as Craig pulled his face back and looked up at him. He wanted to see him as he took in the newness of it all. 

Kenny eventually locked him into more kisses as he found a rhythm that worked for them both. It wasn’t especially long before Craig, who was working on himself, climaxed. He visibly shivered, and the vulnerability of his orgasm was enough to put Kenny over the edge. He finished up, too, collapsing atop Craig as they both tried to catch their breath. Craig placed his hand to the back of Kenny’s mess of blonde hair, affectionately running his fingers through the strands. Kenny lifted his head and placed one of his hands against Craig’s cheek, smiling affectionately toward him.

“Maybe today won’t be so boring, after all,” Kenny joked, pleased when Craig laughed in response.

“To hell with boredom, my friend. Straight to hell with it,” Craig said as he pulled him in for another kiss, both of them entirely prepared to lean into each other as much as they possibly could for the remainder of their trip, keeping their problems at bay for as long as time would allow.


	7. A Change Do You Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny and Craig find themselves back out in the world with cell service and have to touch base with their loved ones.

The stormy day had proved to be a nice one, but they were both relieved when they awoke the next morning to a warmer day. They went through their usual motions to get themselves ready, this time gathering up their dirty clothes into a trash bag and breaking down their tent; they’d mutually decided it was time to move on and see some of Yellowstone. Since they planned to try and get out past the west entrance to find some camping, they decided to worry about laundry once they’d made it out; they both wanted to dedicate the majority of their day to seeing some of the sights on the southern end of the park. As usual, they stopped for coffee and topped off the gas; Craig took the wheel as they drove toward the south eastern entrance to Yellowstone. A comfortable ease had settled between the two of them now that they’d gotten intimate. There was no longer any hesitation and it felt comfortable in a way that took them both by surprise.

As they drove along, Craig’s phone vibrated repeatedly as his texts started to flood in. He was driving, so he chose to ignore it, but it gave him the slightest bit of anxiety; he just knew there would be texts from Tweek in there, and it made him feel a little guilty. They had broken up, of course, so having sex with Kenny wasn’t wrong or anything, but he still knew it was fresh and hurtful in its own way. He didn’t want to hurt Tweek; he just felt like he needed it to actually be over. He figured he should probably keep what happened between he and Kenny private. There was no reason to tell Tweek, it would only hurt worse. He swallowed hard as he grappled with the ever-growing sick feeling in his stomach. 

Kenny was far less conflicted about what had occurred between them, but he had to battle his own demons. Now that he had cell service, he was faced with whether or not he should make a move. Should he have Stan or Kyle check in on Karen? Or should he just keep on running and avoid it for as long as he could? He held his phone tight, his fingers hovering over the screen hesitantly. Fuck it. He was going to call.

He located Stan’s number and pressed it, holding the phone up to his ear as it rang.

 _“Hey, Kenny!”_ Stan greeted enthusiastically, _“What’s up? I heard you left town?”_

“Hey! Yeah, I’m with Craig. We’re driving up to Yellowstone right now.”

_“Cool! How is it? Is it awesome up there?”_

“It’s great. We’re having a good time. Hey, uh, so I was wondering if you might just like check around and see how Karen is? I would call my dad, but he’s a dick, so, you know…”

_“Oh, yeah, for sure. I know. Do you want me to go over there?”_

Kenny hesitated. Maybe this whole thing wasn’t such a great idea.

“Um…I mean, could you try and go when my dad isn’t around? Like, drive by and if his truck isn’t there maybe try and talk to her? Actually…if you can do that, maybe have her give me a call with your phone? She doesn’t have one.”

_“Okay, yeah. I can do that. Is everything alright? This all sounds like something’s up…?”_

Kenny shook his head, “No, nothing’s up. It’s okay. I just wanted to check in with her, that’s all.”

_“Okay. Well, I’ll get over there today. I’ve got some time. So, uh, you’re up there with Craig, huh? How’s that going? Kyle and I ran into Token and Clyde yesterday and they said that Tweek is really freaked out about you being out there with him.”_

Kenny rubbed his temple, aggravated at the way people always talked so much about each other in that godforsaken town. Clearly this trip was the source of much gossip.

“It’s been fine. The sights are cool, the mountains are awesome. We’ve seen bears, and moose, and foxes. Craig’s good. I’m sure he and Tweek are in touch and there’s no reason for people to be dissecting it,” he responded, knowing Craig well enough that he didn’t want to divulge any more than that. 

Craig kept glancing at him and he mouthed the words “thank you” at him for keeping the details of what was going on between them private. Kenny nodded and grinned at him affectionately.

_“Yeah, well...I told them they don’t have shit to worry about. That group is all up in each other’s business…even worse than we are! They’re all worried about Tweek, though. I don’t know…maybe you should let Craig know he’s been kind of a mess or whatever. Token said his anxiety has been through the roof.”_

Kenny shut his eyes in frustration. Roping Craig into Tweek’s anxieties was the last thing he wanted to do. Craig needed some peace and calm; he needed someone he could lean on and trust enough to be himself with.

“Yeah, well…like I said, I’m pretty sure they’re in touch.”

_“Alright. I’ll head over a little later and see if I can catch Karen without your dad around. Keep your phone on you.”_

“Okay, thank you, Stan. I’ll talk to you later.”

_“Yep. Later. Have fun exploring!”_

Kenny smiled to himself as he hung up his phone and set it down, letting out a sigh as he leaned back. Craig reached over and grabbed his hand, knowing Kenny was very worried for the safety of his sister. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to just head home and deal with some of this?” he offered.

Kenny nodded, rubbing Craig’s hand with his thumb absentmindedly, “I’m not ready to go back.”

“Okay,” Craig said quietly before letting go of Kenny’s hand and placing it back on the steering wheel.

As they drove onward Craig’s phone kept pinging with texts, and eventually it started to ring. He looked stressed and frustrated as he snatched it from the center console and realized it was Tweek. Of course it was Tweek. He let out a frustrated groan before silencing it and tossing it back where it had been. Kenny eyed him, taking note of how viscerally Craig seemed to react to Tweek; just knowing he was trying to reach him was enough to stress him out.

“Do you want me to drive for a while so you can get caught up with people?” he offered.

Craig sighed, “Um…I don’t know. I guess so, if you don’t mind?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Pull over wherever you can, I’ll take over.”

Craig nodded, an anxious look plain on his face as he looked around for a good spot to pull off the road. He located one just short of Jackson and the two of them switched seats. As Kenny took off, Craig pulled his phone back out and took a look at his texts. He had a hell of a lot from Tweek, quite a few from Token and Clyde, and a couple from his mom. He quickly shot off a text to his mother first, letting her know that they were moving up into Yellowstone and that service would likely be spotty. He informed her that the trip was going well and that he’d be home in a week or two at most. Once he’d finished that he moved on to the texts from his friends.

He noted that they had originally started to text him separately, but that Clyde and Token eventually sent off a group text to him, one excluding Tweek. They both expressed their concern over Tweek’s mental health and wanted to know what exactly was going on between them. Apparently, Tweek hadn’t told them he’d broken up with him, choosing instead to give them a sob story about how he ran off into the mountains with Kenny out of the blue. Craig couldn’t help but roll his eyes a little. Tweek probably didn’t really mean to make it sound like Craig was an asshole, but he had anyway. It wasn’t all that unusual.

He felt a little sick as he sent off a text in the group chat.

_Hey guys…sorry, I didn’t have service at our campsite and it was terrible weather yesterday so we never left. I’ll give Tweek a call, but he broke up with me before I left. It’s not what it sounds like. I’m just trying to sort some stuff out and this last time Tweek broke up with me is enough already. I’m done. Please, just let us move on without all of the judgment._

He set his phone into his lap, not feeling entirely ready to speak with Tweek. Was he even really obligated to at this point? He’d dumped him; Craig knew in his own mind that wasn’t such a big thing. He knew Tweek expected him to just take him back like he always did, but he’d definitely caught him off guard when he’d left town. Of course, all of Tweek’s fears about what might happen out on the road with Kenny had proven to be true; they were fucking and, if Craig was honest, it felt like it was going to wind up being hell of a lot more than just that. He liked him. He liked him a lot, and the further he got from Tweek, the more distance he wanted to put between them. He was grateful Kenny wasn’t ready to go home; he wasn’t ready to either.

His phone vibrated, interrupting his thoughts, as some texts from Clyde and Token came in.

_Token: Oh, damn. We didn’t know he broke up with you again. Sorry, man._

_Clyde: Sorry to hear it. He is all messed up, though. You should call him. You know he’s going to ask you to come back. He’s very upset about you running off with Kenny. What even is that? Are you and Kenny a thing?_

_Token: Give it a rest, Clyde._

Craig stared at his phone, not really sure what to say to them. Christ. At least Token understood he needed some space. Clyde was always the pushiest and nosiest of the two.

_Craig: I know he will take me back. I don’t want him back. I’m done. I never cheated or anything like that. Not sure what else to say about it._

He stared at his phone as the bouncing dots indicated a response was imminent. He scratched at his nose as he waited, wishing the conversation would just end.

_Token: Understandable. He’s broken up with you like a hundred times now. Good for you._

_Clyde: No one thinks you cheated. We know you wouldn’t do that. Sorry to hear all of this. Hope you’re okay._

Craig was pleasantly surprised at their responses. He had expected to catch more shit from them. Maybe they had a little more respect for him than he’d given them credit for. He had to admit, it had been quite some time since he’d existed in those friendships on his own. He and Tweek were practically fused; nothing belonged to just him anymore. It felt kind of freeing to see supportive responses from his friends.

_Craig: Okay. Thanks guys. I’m going to be without service some more I’m sure – it’s pretty wide open out here. I’ll be home in a few weeks. I’ll see you then._

_Token: Okay. Later, Craig. Have fun._

_Clyde: Later! See you soon. Take lots of pictures…and if Kenny is into it, you should see what is out there if you know what I’m saying! It could be good for you!_

Craig rolled his eyes, deciding to let the conversation drop there. Part of him wanted to tell them it was already happening, but he also knew they were too involved with each other; it would likely get back to Tweek. He tapped his phone into his palm as he contemplated whether or not he should call Tweek. He wasn’t so sure he should do it in front of Kenny. He settled on reading his texts and responding, saving a call for a time where he could find some more privacy; maybe while they were at the Laundromat in the evening. His stomach felt horribly unsettled as he opened up Tweek’s texts and read them. Essentially, it was one heartbroken text after another. He apologized for breaking up with him; he insisted he wanted him back, saying that he loved him and needed him and all of that typical bullshit. The worst part was, of course, the anxiety he had over him being there with Kenny. He explicitly said he was afraid the two of them would start having sex, and the guilt sat in Craig’s stomach like a ton of bricks as he took in the reality of it. Tweek was in a lot of emotional pain over not just the break up, but his fear of Craig finding someone new; someone different…someone who actually wanted him for the person he was instead of the person he was supposed to be. 

Tweek wasn’t dumb; he knew what was likely to happen as he and Kenny went off into the wilderness together. If Craig was honest, the thought had occurred to him the day Kenny had asked him to go. He hadn’t been sure Kenny was into it or not, but he knew there was a possibility and he’d chosen to go anyway. Did that make him a bad person? He couldn’t be sure. All he knew was, in that moment, he felt a sickening amount of guilt and he wanted to get out from under it. His jaw felt tight as he typed a response to Tweek and sent it off.

_Craig: I’m sorry, Tweek. I know you are in a lot of pain right now. I’m not trying to hurt you. I just feel like this relationship is over. We are two very different people who want very different things. I love you. I’ll always love you…but this is not working. Please try not to worry about Kenny. It doesn’t really matter what happens with me and anyone else at this point. Either way, you and I don’t work. This has to be over._

He felt like he could throw up as he quickly put his phone on silent and put it away. He didn’t want to get drawn into a conversation with Tweek. He just wanted to try and forget about it for a while. Kenny glanced at him, sensing his anxiety. 

“You alright?”

Craig looked toward him and offered him a subdued look, “Yeah. Breaking up is just kind of a mess. I don’t like hurting him.”

Kenny nodded; he didn’t really have a full grasp on what that felt like. He’d never gotten that romantically involved with anyone before. Tweek and Craig had been a real thing for a really long time. He imagined that wasn’t an easy thing to walk away from.

“I’m sorry,” was just about all he could think to say.

Craig shook his head, “Don’t be. It’s okay.”

Kenny glanced at him nervously, “I hope I didn’t push you into anything you didn’t want yesterday…?”

Craig looked at him abruptly, “No. No. You definitely didn’t. I wanted it to happen, too.”

Kenny eyed him, a look of uncertainty obvious on his face. Craig reached over and squeezed his hand, “Really…I did. I’d, uh…” his cheeks flushed a little as he went on, “…I’d like to do it again, honestly…if you’re still into it…?”

Kenny let out a relieved laugh as he gave Craig’s hand a reassuring squeeze, “I’m into it.”

Craig continued to blush as he took his hand back and settled into his seat, “Alright. Let’s quit worrying so goddamn much about everything, then.”

Kenny laughed again, which lit up his face in a way that Craig found horribly charming. He smiled as he quietly looked him over; he was continually amazed at the way things were unfolding before him. Just a few days ago he’d thought there was no end in sight to the dull, drama-filled cycle of his life at home with Tweek. Now the world felt limitless and bright. As he looked at Kenny, he realized the reason he felt so good was him; Kenny was limitless. Kenny was his light. Kenny was what he’d been searching for without even knowing it. His stomach fluttered as a warm, peaceful feeling overtook him. Maybe it was hard and painful and ugly to end things with Tweek, but there was also no mistaking it; this was the right thing to do.


	8. I'm So Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig talks to Tweek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I actually had some really bad writer's block. I had to really push myself through this chapter. I'm in the middle part of this story and it can be hard to get from point A to B sometimes. I hope it came out alright - I think I have a clearer vision of how to navigate to the end.

The two of them were walking the boardwalk surrounding the Grand Prismatic Spring, which was far more stunning than any picture Kenny had ever seen. Somehow, though, the magic of it wasn’t drawing him in the way it had in the Tetons. He was feeling a hell of a lot more stress as the reality of his situation occupied more and more of his headspace. Even as they walked around, taking in sights just about as grandiose as anything he could’ve possibly tried to imagine, he couldn’t escape it quite the same way he’d been able to a few days ago. Stan had checked in with him a few times and informed him that every time he’d driven by the house his father’s truck had been there. Why wasn’t he leaving? It left him feeling horribly unsettled.

“Wow…have you _ever_ seen anything like that? Look at those colors…” Craig mused as they stared at the spring, pulling Kenny out of his troubled mind.

“No…it’s amazing,” he agreed, his eyes more focused on Craig than anything else as he raised his camera and snapped some photos; at least he seemed like he was still able to get caught up in the adventure.

“Here, take a picture with me,” he insisted as he turned away from the spring and pulled Kenny in close.

Kenny smiled as best he could as Craig held his phone out; this time it wasn’t awkward at all to lean into each other for the photo. At least there was some comfort in that. The physical presence of Craig, his light touches, his infectious smile; all of those things helped to settle Kenny as he struggled to keep his tension at bay. 

As Craig lowered his phone and checked the picture, he glanced over at Kenny. He could tell he wasn’t feeling as carefree as he’d been up to this point. He also had a feeling it might have something to do with Karen. 

“Hey…” he said quietly as he reached out and affectionately rubbed Kenny’s arm, “…are you alright? Have you heard anymore from Stan?”

Kenny shook his head as they started to walk back down the boardwalk to return to the car.

“No. Nothing.”

Craig eyed him as they walked side by side; Kenny’s head was lowered. He looked more sullen than he’d seen him yet, and it tugged at him. He wanted to make him feel better.

“You know…I could ask Tricia to invite her over. They still hang out a lot. I don’t think it would catch your dad’s attention.”

Kenny quickly lifted his head, his eyes lighting up, “Oh, shit! You’re right! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that…”

Craig grinned at him, pleased with himself for thinking of something that might actually lift his spirits. 

“Alright, I’ll let her know…” he said as he pulled his phone out and shot her a quick text.

_Hey Trish! Do you mind inviting Karen over? Kenny wants to talk to her and she doesn’t have a phone. Don’t say anything about Kenny asking about her. Just invite her over please?_

He intentionally ignored the many texts he’d received from Tweek since he’d reached out to him earlier in the day. He wasn’t ready to deal with all of that just yet. As he closed the screen on his phone and put it back into his pocket, he was happy to see Kenny looking a whole lot brighter. There. That was better; at least for now.

As they meandered back to the parking area, they decided to stop atop the bridge that went over the Firehole River to take a look. It was beautiful, though admittedly not as peaceful as the Tetons had been. It was a lot harder to actually feel like you were in the wilderness in Yellowstone, as it turned out. There were just so many tourists, even as late in the season as they were. 

Nonetheless, they were trying to make the best of it as they rested their arms atop the wooden railing and looked out at the scenery. It was breathtaking, as the views had been consistently since they’d arrived. As they stood their looking, Craig reached over and looped his pinky with Kenny’s; he responded by sliding his hand closer and lacing the rest of their fingers together. Craig scooted a little closer to him, taking in the overall niceness of the moment. The view was great, the air was crisp, and the warmth of Kenny’s body beside his was proving to be a source of tremendous comfort. It made his stomach feel light and airy. 

“Come on, we should probably get going if we’re going to get through our laundry and find somewhere to camp,” Kenny insisted as he released Craig’s hand, offering him a smile.

“Okay,” he agreed as they went back to the parking lot and got settled into the car, Kenny taking the wheel.

They’d already chosen a Laundromat when they’d had service earlier in the park, so they knew where they were going. From what they could tell, the place had hot showers as well, which they were particularly excited about. That would definitely be a hell of a lot better than those fast, freezing dips they’d been taking in the creek since they’d left. As they went through the park in and out of service along the way, heading toward West Yellowstone in Montana, Craig’s phone went off. He picked it up and saw a text from Tricia.

_Trish: I can invite her over. I’ll ask her to come this weekend. Is she okay?_

_Craig: I think she’s okay. Kenny is worried about her. I don’t know all of the details, but things aren’t right in their house. He thinks she could be in trouble._

He kept his eyes fixed on his phone as he waited for her response.

_Trish: I know it’s not good. She doesn’t tell me everything, but I know enough. I haven’t heard from her in a few days…kind of off._

Craig felt his nerves start to race as he took in the information. This didn’t sound good. He wasn’t sure if he should tell Kenny or not.

_Craig: Ok. Let me know if you hear anything sis. Love you._

_Trish: Love you, too. BTW. I heard about you and Tweek. So sorry. Hope you’re okay._

_Craig: I am ok._

_Trish: <3 <3 <3_

He shut down the screen on his phone and tapped it into his palm as he tried to decide what he should or shouldn’t say to Kenny. He didn’t want to worry him unnecessarily, but he also didn’t want to keep it from him if it amounted to something serious.

“Ken…uh…Trish just got back to me. She said she hasn’t heard from Karen in a few days. She’s a little worried about her, too. She said she’ll invite her over this weekend.”

Kenny wrung his hands around the steering wheel as he processed the latest information. Craig couldn’t help but reach out and squeeze his shoulder, trying to ease his anxiety. Kenny reached over with the opposite hand and gripped onto Craig’s for a moment. After he released him Craig dropped his hand and sat back into his seat, entirely at a loss for words.

“I have a bad feeling,” Kenny admitted as they drove out of the west entrance and into Montana.

“Why would anything have changed? As far as your dad knows you’re coming back…”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I just feel like something’s happened.”

Craig’s stomach dropped a little at that statement. He couldn’t help but feel like they needed to go back home. There were so many loose ends for them both. Running off wasn’t a real option. He kept his mouth shut, though. He didn’t need to state the obvious. He didn’t need to make it worse.

It wasn’t long before they’d reached a small, rickety looking Laundromat out in town, beside a rundown looking park. They got out of the car, Craig carrying their trash bag full of clothes, and went inside; the place was empty. They were both incredibly relieved to see that there were showers, and they appeared to be functioning.

“Thank Christ…a real shower…” Craig mumbled as he went back to the washers and dumped their clothes inside. 

Kenny purchased a sample sized packet of detergent and poured it into the washer before loading it up with quarters and starting it on a speed cycle. They wanted to get in and out of there as fast as possible.

“Here…” he said as he dropped a pile of quarters into Craig’s hands.

“Thank you!” he said, unable to hide his relief at the fact that he was about to have a nice, hot shower.

They both went into their own respective showers and took their time, relishing in the comfort of such a simple pleasure. Being out in the wilderness had a way of making one feel more appreciative of the little things. After considerably long showers, they both redressed and emerged, meeting up to sit in some rickety, plastic chairs as they waited to switch the clothes.

“So…um…I really need to call Tweek. He texted me and everything earlier, asking for me back like I told you he would, but I told him no. I just need to actually tell him, though. I shouldn’t do it through a text like that. We’ve been together too long for me to take that kind of way out…” Craig explained, hoping he didn’t sound too hung up on him. He was a little, but he also wasn’t. It was tough to articulate.

Kenny nodded at him, offering him a reassuring smile, “I understand. I told you, I’m not worried about it. If you need to call him, call him. I’m okay.”

Craig searched him over, continually amazed at how low key Kenny was. There was no drama. There was no clinginess. There was no judgment. It was utterly foreign to him, really. 

“Okay…I’ll be back. This is probably going to be a minute.”

“I know. I’ve got the laundry, just go do what you’ve got to do.”

Craig smiled at him and leaned in, pulling him in for a quick kiss; Kenny responded and drew him in longer than he’d expected. They separated after a couple of moments, both of them blushing a little as Craig bit his lip and looked him over. Neither of them said anything as Craig finally let out a breath and made his way outside, noting the crispness of the mountain air as he pulled out his phone. He had more texts from Tweek, of which the contents were just about what he’d expected. He skimmed them over before sighing and lifting his phone to his ear, listening with an unsettled stomach as it rang.

 _“Craig…!”_ Tweek’s voice answered in a panic.

Craig swallowed, looking down at his feet as he shuffled them. He felt very antsy.

“Hi, Tweek.”

_“Craig…where are you?”_

“I’m in Montana now. We went through Yellowstone today.”

A moment of silence passed. Fuck. It was so horrible and awkward.

_“Did you mean what you said? D-do you really want to break up?”_

Craig continued to fidget as he struggled to pick out the right words. Were there right words? If he said it just right, would it hurt any less?

No. 

“I’m so sorry, Tweek. I did mean it. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

_“I didn’t mean to get so mad at you…I’m really sorry. I was just scared…I thought that guy was going to stab you, Craig…”_

“I know. It’s not that, Tweek. It’s not. It’s bigger than that.”

He could hear him sniffling and crying. Craig shut his eyes, feeling like he was going to cry, too. 

_“What did I do? How can I fix this?”_

That did it. Tears started to fall from Craig’s eyes as he tried to explain himself, his voice wavering all the while.

“You didn’t do anything, Tweek. It’s not your fault. It just is. We’ve grown apart. We’re not on the same page anymore, you know? Like…I don’t know…it used to feel like we were made for each other. We fit in every way and everything was just fucking…right. At least for a while there it was. But, if I’m honest…” he took a breath. 

If he was going to be honest, it was going to be harsh. He didn’t want to be hurtful, but the truth was what it was.

“…I think the reason I’ve been depressed and cutting and just blowing my life apart is you. Not that you’ve done anything bad or wrong, okay? Please don’t think that. You haven’t. It’s just that…I don’t feel like you really _like_ me anymore. I feel like I’m always disappointing you and letting you down, and it’s made me feel like there’s something wrong with me but…it turns out that, the further away I get from us, the better I feel. I’m not cutting. I’m not feeling so goddamn sad out here. It’s just better.”

Tweek was sobbing audibly, and it felt like someone was squeezing his heart as he listened. 

_“I do like you Craig. I l-love you. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that…I’m so s-sorry.”_

Craig wiped at his eyes as tears continued to fall. He wasn’t sobbing, but it was difficult to hide it in his voice.

“I love you, too. I do. You’re always going to be the first person that’s ever mattered to me. It’s just not working. We don’t fit anymore.”

He listened as Tweek continued to cry, sensing it as he moved from heartache to anger. It made sense. If the shoe were on the other foot, Craig supposed he’d react the same.

_“Is something happening with you and Kenny?”_

He swallowed hard. Did it matter? He didn’t want to lie. He hated it when people lied. Fuck.

“It wasn’t before I left.”

_“But it is now?”_

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

A long silence passed between them, which left Craig’s stomach in knots.

_“Are you having sex?”_

He couldn’t help but sound ashamed. It felt like he’d cheated, somehow.

“Yes.”

_“Since when?”_

“Yesterday.”

Another silence. Somehow the increasingly panicked questions and long, sorrowful silences were worse than what he’d imagined it would feel like if Tweek would just yell at him. That wasn’t his way though. Tweek hardly even cussed, let alone shouted. He was just too goddamn sweet for that.

_“I’ve got to go.”_

Craig nodded to himself, wishing there was something he could say to make it less painful. There just wasn’t any way around it. It had to hurt. It did hurt.

“Okay,” was all he could manage.

He listened to Tweek’s breathing for a moment more, waiting for him to hang up first. Once he did he let out a sigh and leaned his head back against the wall behind him. He felt pretty drained, and he felt really hurt. It was a difficult thing all around. He knew it was for the best, but actually going through with it hurt worse than just about anything he could think of. He wanted to cut himself, but there was nowhere to do it. He just had to sit with the pain, a state in which he rarely allowed himself to be. He sniffled quietly as he let himself cry for a while, eventually calming down and heading back into the Laundromat. 

Kenny, who’d been waiting with the knowledge he’d be hurting upon his return, quietly walked up to him and embraced him tightly. Much to Craig’s own dismay, he found himself crying a bit more at his touch. They stayed that way for a couple of minutes, Kenny swaying his thin, tired frame back and forth until he was finished. Once they separated Kenny wiped the tears away from his cheeks.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered, his eyes locked onto Craig’s intensely.

Craig nodded. He believed him. He really, truly did.

“I’m exhausted,” he admitted.

“Come on, sit down,” Kenny urged as he patted the empty, plastic chair beside him, “maybe we should try and find a hotel for tonight.”

Craig shook his head, “No…it’s okay. It’s probably really expensive around here…”

Kenny shrugged, “I don’t care. I think we could use a night in a warm place with a TV.”

Craig’s shoulders dropped as he relaxed a little, “let me pitch in then.”

“You don’t have to, but if you want to that’s fine.”

Kenny scrolled through hotels on his phone, locating a somewhat affordable one nearby. Craig watched silently as Kenny called and booked them a room. He had to admit, it sounded nice. He was grateful there had been a room available. After that, the two of them sat around not doing much of anything until the laundry had finished. They tossed it back into the garbage bag and piled into the car, driving straight over to the hotel. They left the clean clothes in the car as they were, each of them just grabbing their travel bags and heading inside. Kenny got them all checked in, and Craig handed him over a small fold of bills to cover half of the cost. He could tell Kenny didn’t want to take it, but he did anyway.

“Oh, fuck…this is so nice…” Craig mused as they entered the low budget, quite honestly mediocre room, immediately plopping down onto the bed. 

Neither of them cared. As far as they were concerned they were in the lap of luxury. Kenny laid down in the bed beside him, also really grateful to have a real mattress and a heated room. After the two of them laid there for a minute Craig looked up at him.

“He made me feel like I’ve cheated on him,” he quietly admitted.

Kenny turned his head and looked at him, “You didn’t.”

“I know…but it felt like it.”

Kenny sighed and reached down, lacing his fingers with Craig’s, “Don’t make it too complicated, Craig. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did this just fine. You treated him as best you could when you were together, and you are free to do whatever you want with your life now that it’s over. All you can do is what feels right and good, whatever the hell your circumstances might be.”

Craig stared at him, “Sometimes when I talk to you I feel like you’re, like…old.”

Kenny laughed, “What?”

Craig let out a laugh, too.

“I mean…you just have this way about you. Like…you’re always calm and you can see things for what they are in a way that I can’t. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone else like you.”

Kenny eyed him, a fond look on his face, “Well…my friends were always so fucking complicated growing up. Obviously my family was, too. I can smell bullshit a mile away; and it doesn’t do any good to get overly worked up about a bad situation. You have to just make do with it. The only thing we can ever control is the way we respond to the crazy shit that happens to us.”

Craig pondered that for a minute. He was definitely right. He made it sound so simple. And yet, it wasn’t. Craig scratched his head before letting out a sigh.

“Well…what now?”

Kenny grinned, “Now…? Now, I suggest some great sex, shitty TV, and a really, really long night of sleep.”

Craig laughed, “Um…okay. That sounds amazing.”

And amazing it was. It really, really was.


End file.
